Adventures in Facebook

Every once in a while you come across a gem.

From saving little babies on the street to handing out sandwiches, these heroes don't know when to quit!
Blankets in winter. HAH.
We died of frostbite and we hated it.

Swords, crossbows, arrows, slings, thongs, and miscreant jabber pixies.

Literacy. What is words?

There appears a town by a lake, in it a bank to trade these gems!

I see a lot of posturing, going back and forth, snap jaw mcgraw and quick to wit snip snap zibbety bop.
And no action.

It's time we took some action.
Really, action is taking up our time.
Soon.

Candy canes! ALL OVER FACEBOOK!
GAH!
I am not amused!
Oh sure, not in YOUR facebÜk.

The Multiverse™
"Making any action meaningless."

Barely any frienemies left. The ones that survived the intial wave of cuts (heroes of ill repute were allowed to stay, of course) I barely pay attention to. I simply can't.
I haven't had time for my blog. s. blogs. Multiblogs.
I don't pow wow with the ancestors nearly enough.
I haven't trained Franklin in the technically intricate arts of boomerang. It's my week to teach the henchmen some form of entertainment.*

Keeping one's eye on FacebÜk 24/7 is a task not easily done. Not a single Henchman enjoys it.
Sifting through the chests of screen cap gold. Ooh, SCREEN CAPS!
Ü

I won't forget you, you squishable scamp. Your bronze plated glory will forever shine. Through snow and mild hyperventilation you pave a path through heroes like the majestic orangutan.
Got yer waders on, hoss?

Tis the season Gentlemen (Ladies, or whatever you refer to yourself as gender not specific or otherwise; you could be made of felt or a pickle or a hat, I DON'T KNOW!) and we owe it to ourselves to let Übermas RING!

Resound! Rejoice! Revel! Be Wicked In Your Evil!
WE ARE VILLAINS!
If you're not celebrating Übermas, you are not EVIL. Or you are in a universe where Übermas does not exist (Krelm banish the thought!) or you are not aware of such things (which you must pull yourself from under that rock and welcome yourself to your worst nightmare: 2012).
Delight in your choice to throw off shackles, indignity, pressure, ridicule, judgement, and RULES.

You make your own rules.

So don't celebrate Übermas (whut), remain on the 'Nice' side of the list.
I almost typed the P word there. Heh. Gotta watch that. I only have the one eye to see out of.
Santa is gonna get his.
He's been, heh, tracking me through FacebÜk.
Apparently it's not that difficult. So watch yourselves.

I hate admitting this, but, confession: I'm going to need help again this year.
It's a sign of weakness, I know, but, forget all that bullshit and look at what that Fat Bastard has accomplished. What toys he has, what technology. The magic.
The workforce.
Whatever floats your boat.
Let's just do this.

The Flying Dutchman is in dry dock (okay, that was bad) and we've been ready since last Übernas, Some of us are still fighting up there. Day after day.
Night after oh so holy night.

All you have to do is have read through this blather up to this point, proving you are either smart, gullible, or dumb enough to have read this far, not have been offended at just calling you smart, gullible, or dumb just now, and understand the jibber-jabber that's coming out of my fingertips and into your looky eye thingies.
Contracts?
We don't need no stinking contracts.
We're not actors.

There is the loot. Santa has plenty of toys. Candy cane themed, mostly. Gingerbread tech was a breakthrough, and the Bag of Heart's Desire or Ever Holding, whichever you prefer (his magic is powerful, goddamn christmas magic), is a miracle of science and magic.
Money, power..

No sex, plenty of greed.

Operation: Kill Kringle 2012

Trending trends trend trendily.
Metrics.
1k downloads. Biscuits.

Febuloids, Speculoids, Febuspeculoids, Specufebuloids, Lloyds.

This Multiverse™ is getting on my nerve.

--RIP Obsidian Labs.

*What? Boomeranging is VERY entertaining.

tagsareeverything

action words

PENDING DELETION
Believe nothing that I say.










Greetings!
I am Agent Wraith.
I am the GREATEST RLSH EVER.
Through my will I have wrought a grand and wonderful vision, one of HOPE and PEACE and LOVE and HAPPINESS!

hadyougoing

No,no,no,no,no, NO!!

Insanity, ladies and gentlemen.
In.sanity.


| surmise it's possible, that somewhere there exists a reality where Zapata Wraith is alive and well and possessed (HA!) of a pleasant, perhaps even a cordial disposition.
Polite even.


oh.
wait.

I remember that guy. Sundays he would hunker down in his lair and terrorize Crossfire with polite yet annoying platitudes. Twice.



this is time travel.
THIS is TIME travel?
Inconsistency.
Incongruous.
 or
is
 it?

Multitudes or microcosms?
infinity?
ad naseum?

The escalation. yes, we talked about this.

Krampocalyptic Coalescence?
Pfft. I've been sto.ck.pil.ing wea.p.ons for decades.
I've been ar.med and dan.gerous since I was alive.

Supersuits.
It ain't Iron Man, it ain't Batman*, it just wishes it WAS the Punisher.
Or Joker.
Yes. Joker.
Armies of jokers.

It's insanity!
Joker 'technically' corners the market on straight-psycho wack-job nuttery, sometimes pandering to burn the world for the LULZ.
An army though? Joker is an alpha. And there is always a BIGGER fish.

Take note, inmates.
Things will go bust.
And then fish will be on the line.
And the next thing that goes bust will be fish butthole.
This colored text sponsored in part by Milk Chickens™.
"Milk Chickens™, Put them on your penis!"**

And teams. TEAMS!
likegroups
EVERYWHERE!
Let me be on your team! I'm on your team!
I AM YOUR TEAM!

The Second Amendment's arms are building mass. Now patrols.
What's next?
'Witnessing'?
Door-to-door preaching of exploits and the necessities of hood vigilantism?
Signatures for petitions for betterment of society?
Donations?
Volunteers?
Subjugation?
Sound
familiar
?
(this was removed for several years in fear of starting such a practice, now that it's common, the fear is all yours)


Options?
I've narrowed it down to roughly two.

be enslaved

or

die

There was a time you could have at least tortured yourself with the bliss of Utopian Playlands.
It's the big picture, Waldolf.
These rebels, these revolutionaries, such imaginations!
In direct opposition!
Against the current.

I don't gots no book smarts uh no genius, but I no its gotta be harder to turn an error around then jest guidin it a little to the left or right.

You could think to better yourself and perhaps turn the planet around from it's inevitable slag-state fit for nothing except your extinction, we know that's not going to happen, you lazy hippie. I would get one more henchman and the world would be a lifeless husk.. all according to.. uh.. nevermind.
You could think to better yourself and maybe one of these so-called villainous organizations will actually DO SOMETHING, like shanghai you into service and servitude at the front of their attack legion and you will die a glorious death.. nah. lazy hippies.

Or you could kill yourself.
It might be a great option.
INSTANT SERVITUDE!

What?



Elementary orchestration of genius or imbecilic blathering of nonsoncery?

-Agent Wraith







p.s. itsnotfunnyitssadreallywantmoretime












p.p.s. mobilizing





p.p.s.  youdontwanttonowwhativeseenorwhereivebeen


*Oddly on this black sabbath, Ozzy has sung the words 'Iron Man' and 'war machine'. A disdain for DC perhaps with his treatment of flying rats aside, I'm just gibbering. #craigyferg

**You see, I knew this was bad when I said it the third and fourth times, but it bears repeating another million or so.  I -know- it was a joke when it was said.  I know.  Who comes up with this SHIT?







heroes

Following

Twisted word, nothing.

Time, time, time...

Chronophobia-and more of that Full Circle crap

Where's all the flying cars?

Whether yesterday or tomorrow or today.. it's full of disappointments.

No hoverboards, 3 dimensional hologram advertisements, or fancy science meals.

It's the fax machines.

The only constant.



-Agent Wraith

Blast The Past

you will fear me now
i know that you know i know
chronophobia



Before we get started (again), let me entice you with this lovely bit:
Of Henchmen And Villains.

Now to disseminate.

Villains have no standard save their own.


1. While I hold myself to VERY LOW standards, I have broken the law, will likely break more, bring harm (re: DEATH) to many and incite even more to commit atrocities.


2. Where I have shown respect to Villains, it has been well received and reciprocated.  Where I have shown respect to heroes, it has been met with disgust and.. shudder.. lies.  I expect nothing from humans except their ignorance, bigotry, stupidity, and capacity to be manipulated.


3.  If you can read (a FEAT for some), I have given quite a bit of courtesy.  It's not a rather villainous word. My natural demeanor is of SUPERIORITY.  Educated, trained, and forged to destroy; humans are obsolete.  And if I want to roll around in the mud, I will roll in the mud.


4.  Indeed.


5.  If heroes survive the initial onslaught, destroy them.  Death rays first.  Challenge is for the weak.  Give the "superhero" no quarter (literal or figurative) and harry him/her to the bitter ends of the crumbling planet.


6.  "Villainy" will do as it wishes.  Tact, guile, and whatnot are cast aside.  "Villainy" does as it pleases, an ever changing mass of whatever-the-crap it will.  To each his own, whether it's the Millionth Coming Of The Joker, or the "shining star" of the moment.  Do what ye will, just stay out of my yard.


7.  Lie. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.  Lie like your pitiful lives depend upon it.  It does.  It really does.  Perpetrate misinformation about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.  Parodies abound.  Humiliate and degrade, drive the human into isolation.  Destroy the characters.  Destroy the character of the characters.  Drown them in their bile.


8.  Unleash the Dogs of War.


9.  It is MY "Big Picture".  In that picture is the desiccated husk of the planet, clutched deep in the heart of a gravity well.  No, I won't use that name just yet.  I'm not on the Facebook, can't have a status to comment upon.. no follow up video.. or horrible cinema revelation.  Claim whatever slice of this rock as you wish.  I will enjoy scorching it from under your heel.


10.  In general, I would agree.  Knowledge has grown with such rogues; their secrets.  The company of humans is no longer welcome.


11.  I cultivate FEAR.  Cringe, recoil, gasp, reel, and be terrorized!  Be afraid of what the future holds!  I have SEEN it!  It does not bode well for HUMANITY!  I have this... list.. yes, yes, NO!  I exploit your personal information.  Special delivery.


12.  If you know me (and so few of you really do) then you know very little.  I am a compulsive liar.  From stories of my childhood to forays into combat zones to work history to account accounts.  My lies stretch out before me and behind me.  You know only what I have given freely.  You didn't question why?  That's just silly.


Meanwhile, on the internets...

Guilty!
All charges!


-Agent Wraith

Playtime (and why it is over)

I have come before you (this is not the first time) and told you of the future.
You ignored my warnings.
You ignored (re: DENIED) my claims of genius.
I responded. You are aware of this.
I swooped low and put both fettered feet in the bile.
I was up to my decaying EYE in bull-tender.

It's time, droogs, to dispell some myth and 'magic'.

One, you are allowed the 1st no longer. Your G-D is dead. Your 'rights' are null and void.
You have had several opportunities to change your strategy with me.
And lo, have you fallen.
Your time apart was used wisely, I trust, to fortify your hold. While you tarried, seeds were planted and they took root (did I forget to mention my GREEN THUMB? I'm biting it, just so.. you know, you know).
You may now fear me.
You may now put a 'face' to the terror that keeps you up at night.

And know I KNOW.
KNOW IT.

All these dancing pieces of shit twiddling their little fuck-tard lives in my Facebook feed?
Nope.
Do I care about your DUMB SHIT?
Nope.
Can you stop me?
Nope.
D'aww, you havin' twouble weedin' da words?
CAN YOU READ NEANDERTHAL?
I got me a host of bodies. Willing and able to BEAT YOU.

And we will.
There will be a revision of a list.
Just one and then your destiny is written.

hate. i know hate.
i hate. i am hated.
i am hatred.
and for what i do next,
hate will be what consumes you.
but, i don't hate you little guy. What's to hate?
It's cute tho.
Oh so cute.

All this talk.
talk talk talk
It's getting old. So very, very old.
Just like you.
You know who's not old?

Me.
98, 81, 77, 69, 54, 49, 44, 39, 35, 33, 31, 29, 27-18, 16, 12, 9, 6, 1.
I will be as young as I like. Whatever necessitates your demise.
Yes, this means what you haven't comprehended yet.
I will be those close to you.
Your mother. Your father.
Allies, Contacts, Resources.
Ignore it again.

Comic Conventions, Fleamarkets, Car Shows, Yard Sales, Concerts, Bar Mitzvahs, Block Parties, Grand Openings, Press Conferences, Citizens in Distress, 'Super Heroes'...
Anyone, anywhere.



-Agent Wraith
(Verbose) Necromancer Extraordinaire


.- #youcaughtmemonologueing
.- #curseyou
.- #loaofevil

YOU?!? HA HA HA HA HA!
YOU THINK I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU?!??!
HA HA HA HA HA!*

That FAT CHRISTMAS FUCK.

I'm going after Christmas.
And I'm plotting (always plotting) it now.
Putting the band back together...

*Literally, I couldn't type it any LOUDER
Originally posted: 5 /13/ 12

UPDATE: Monday 21, 2012, Rex Velvet posts photo. I see your time travel, sir.
I have chronophobia. VILLAINS DON'T MAKE PLANS!

Reality, Ponies, and Cannibalism?

Greetings.
It's been a while since I've done something like this, but I feel it should be done.
By the time you get through this sentence, you will have no idea what you are in for.


Let the madness begin.

I'm going to fuck your shit up.
Breaking molds is the game now, ladies and gents. Breaching the 4th wall, revealing the fruits of the previous game (see: BETRAYAL) and flaying precious assholes a new one (re: TREACHERY).
Chaos for chaos' sake?
Pfft.
For too long have you sat in your darkened basements, drunk off the trolling and seduction, seeking to tear down and ridicule those who stand a chance against the coming horde of STUPIDITY.
I'm going to burn it ALL down.

I don't seek to tear the world asunder, just tear the HUMANS from it!
But that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun before, while, and/or after we do it!

What things really boil down to.. when you get that EVIL REDUCTION SAUCE going..

It's all about ME.

I make an ugly, ugly pony.

Hairless, this is mah sad face.

Somewhere in the multiverse is a living breathing AGENT, capable of entertaining conversations and compliments, most likely helping the homeless or PASTA-forbid-it, BREEDING!
Ponies are sad, sad, misguided creatures. Adorned with false hope on their backsides and tufts of silky, lustrous hair.. I.. uh.. what?

Anywho.

In reality (even the one I deign to acknowledge), capes catch on a great number of things, arrows can puncture the skin (especially from rooftops), Cancer is deadly, alcohol is poison, and justice?
Justice is best served when you catch it, kill it, skin it, and cook it yourself.

It tastes better that way.


Mmmm.
Makes me hungry.

Off to find minions,
Agent Wraith


p.s. Agent Wraith does not, nor ever will, endorse the consumption of HUMAN flesh.
Minion or not.

p.p.s. General Zoi! Thank you for your hard work to make such Ponies Possible! More importantly (because ponies are the providence of HEROES), thank you for your work on Sims2 and Maxis coded product. Inspiration, convenience, and imagination! There is a digital world of Villain Sims under my control now! It's the perfect practice for when my mastery of Puppetry is complete.

Why I Will Be Victorious

I set my expectations very low so I am pleasantly surprised.

I am quite clever.

I've never actually been to New Jersey.

Incorporeal.

I have beaten more for less and less for more.

Documented few versus undocumented many.

Necromancer Extraordinaire.

I have a dollar.

Drop Squad Doesn't Play By The Rules

And they're already on their way.

Also SPOILER: White Skull shows up at the end.

Networking

For contact purposes, you will find there are many options for networking with Agent Wraith.

You have to want to network, of course.

Google +
YouTube
Facebook
Ur Base
Twitter

Deadlines all around.

My deadline is Halloween.

necromancer extraordinaire.
Who do you think will win?

Time Crisis

Time runs out for us all.




9-11-11

I... am Spartacus.

Trendy

Ernest Goes to Camp - Trailer Spoof

Victoria Racimo | Myspace Music Videos


I dug this out of MySpace.
Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
Time travelers.

Cats and Time Travel

If you haven't had your fix of cats and time travel this week,

                              you are in luck!

Found here:

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com

Have fun, kiddies!
Er, I mean kitties.

The Bard Hears A WTF?

Objectivism

I've never been accused of being deep.
I've come close.
Intellectual pursuits are beyond my comprehension.

But here's a nifty way to view things:
Ayn Rand, 1962.

My philosophy, Objectivism, holds that:

1. Reality exists as an objective absolute—facts are facts, independent of man’s feelings, wishes, hopes or fears.
2. Reason (the faculty which identifies and integrates the material provided by man’s senses) is man’s only means of perceiving reality, his only source of knowledge, his only guide to action, and his basic means of survival.
3. Man—every man—is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others. He must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his ownhappiness is the highest moral purpose of his life.
4. The ideal political-economic system is laissez-faire capitalism. It is a system where men deal with one another, not as victims and executioners, nor as masters and slaves, but as traders, by free, voluntary exchange to mutual benefit. It is a system where no man may obtain any values from others by resorting to physical force, and no man may initiate the use of physical force against others. The governmentacts only as a policeman that protects man’s rights; it uses physical force only in retaliation and only against those who initiate its use, such as criminals or foreign invaders. In a system of full capitalism, there should be (but, historically, has not yet been) a complete separation of state and economics, in the same way and for the same reasons as the separation of state and church.

You can find more of this wonderful verbage here:

aynrand.org

For everything else,

there's necromancy.

NECROMANCY!

Entry 10

Something must be said.
Shenanigans in Seattle?
Hooligans against Jones?
"Real Villains"?
Real villains?

-Agent Wraith

Entry 9

Entry 8

Entry 4

aka SPOILER: Gordon Bombay is Emilio Estevez
aka Time You Don't Get Back

(Another) Identity Crisis

aka Just How Many God Damned Identities Do You Have?


Greetings!  I am Agent Wraith, you're not.
I say this both to identify myself and you, dear reader.
There are folks out there (both in and out of the internets, little droogs) who disguise who they are.
They use masks, metaphorically and literally, to conceal their true nature; their identities.

I've heard the gossip, ladies and gentlemen.  I may seem like a small being (though, somehow FAT), but I have certain strengths and resources that get me into all sorts of mischief.  One of them, I will reveal:
AT&T.  This only goes so far, mind you.  There has to be communication to eavesdrop on.
You are paying attention, aren't you?  Don't take anything I say personal.

Hypothesis:
I have kept your 'faith' in me, dear reader, because-
1. I'm not a threat.
2. I keep secrets (yours and mine).
3. I don't want the alienation that would result from my 'betrayals'.

I have a 'secret' identity.
What's this 'secret'?
It's not so secret.
A handful of villains know who I am.  IRL.
One, in particular, knows me VERY well.
I am glad for this.  This villain is FEARED, even by me.

There is ONE hero (that I know of) who has seen my face.
One.
This is okay too.  She has proven to me to be upstanding and ruthless.
Both good (evil) qualities for villains.
And we trust each other (to an extent).

Now, I know you're reading this and might be thinking, "AW, are you playing another Mind Game?  How are we to believe anything you say?"
Well, you can't.  Even if I wasn't painstakingly cryptic, you still couldn't trust me.
This is the internet.
I could be a 600 lb MotoCross enthusiast with a penchant for grease paint or a pasty patsy whose hair will never grow in because I keep pulling it out.  What you have seen, you might not have seen.  You get me?

Aside from that, there are people out there who have created for themselves all manner of identities for all manner of reasons.  There is always going to be people who not only play 'both sides of the fence', but live on 'both sides of the fence'.  It's part of life now.  This is the game.

So, before I get any more long-winded, I want to break down some of the more amusing rumors I've heard lately.  Gossip, it's always entertaining.  If not nihilistic.

1.  I am (insert hero name here).
This is utterly laughable.  Now, were I a hero, this is how I would respond to throw off any suspicion.  I am Agent Wraith. No one else.
2.  I am Henchman 22.
This is a half-truth.  I will admit I have loomed over shoulders, directed hands, even full-on possessed 22 while she was on Facebook.  22 says hello.  We are two entities, mind you.
3. I am (insert villain name here).
Oh, do I wish.  Now, were I another villain, this is how I would respond to throw off any suspicion.  I am Agent Wraith.  Baron Terror is the only other villain who visits Los Sauces in person.  I've had other villains visit ethereally, electronically, and audially.
Had very nice chats.
4. I live in New Jersey.
Those who need to know, know the truth.  That is all.
5. I live in Deer Park, MI.
I don't know HOW that happened. lol I -did- live there once.  If you can call it living.  There were no deer; it was no walk in the park.
6.  I'm Charlie Sheen.
Give me a break.
7. I live with my mother.
Actually, this one is 100% true.

Have your identities.

Play Mind Games.

Tonight! Around 11-ish, we'll begin.
Hmm?  Talkshoe.  There was once this nifty gadget/widget/embedded player/link thing on the right-hand side of this electric document. You can find the direct link to the show.
It's already happened, I see.

No.  Literally.
I see.

Win fabulous prizes*!



Agent Wraith
p.s. I told you about The Dreaded Eye Poke.  Seriously.  I know why no one is paying attention.
And why I won't be privy to any more secrets.









*Prizes include:  xenophobia, Destruction, truth, shame, victory, and respect