Santa and Me

I've done it!
I'VE DONE IT!
The Multiverse™ will soon fall to OBLIVION!

I've been working diligently all year, striving to complete this one.. thing.

A few years ago, I discovered a brilliant young scientist who was working with paradimensional resonance or some junk and took him under my wing (ie. held him at gunpoint and forced him to do my bidding; kill your family and friends leverage crap, you know the take). I funded his wild experiments and he made sure I was always with coffee.

He would explain quantum theory (or try to) and I would not sleep through his presentations ever! I payed 110% attention to every word, every detail.
As The Multiverse™ expanded, he expounded.

Just last year, several of the lowest levels of Los Sauces were flooded and we lost progress on several key elements. It was a setback, but only a minor one. We also lost a few investors that put us in the red.
That was a bigger setback.
Dr. Tarantula, greasy maniac that he is, offered to 'loan' us some cash to help get us back on our feet.  He subsequently pulled the rug out from under us and we went spilling out of Los Sauces.
To be refused entry by chickens (of all creatures) was insulting.

It was Henchmen that we turned to, Dear Reader. Henchmen.
Vile beings, though loyal, who were willing to do what it takes to get the job done.
They caught me, my guard down, and pulled me from the edge of OBLIVION's caress.

Through the last year, with strides, I returned. Operation: Kill Kringle 2011 was not a complete bust, for I took from the Fat Man his coveted list.*  With all the names.
All the names and all the addresses.

And all your desires.

And what do i want all this for?

Ü

to burn it all down, of course

Oblivion, Dear Reader, is my only course.
The Multiverse™ has it all. Everything. Every possibility.
The only action that would make any sense, that would have meaning, is oblivion.

Oh poo, I guess you caught me monologueing. Sigh, I guess you're going to try to stop me now.
Aw, shucks, I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you rotten kids.
Oh wait.
I'm not giving you my plan.
I don't make plans.

I also wouldn't tell you any of what I am up to if you had any chance of stopping me.  Operation Kill Kringle 2012 is already over. The Fat Man is already dead.
His sack was removed (long ago, according to his Missus), reindeer captured (barbequed, tasty!), elves slaughtered, and technology reverse engineered by capable robot hands. Better luck next ti ha ha haha. There won't be a next year, kiddies!  Nets.
Santa's reindeer are a different breed, Magnus. They could chew through irradiated cables, mutated. Not keen on the netting. Or the barbeque.

Don't give me that look.
The Multiverse™ gents. And ladies.
And whatevers.
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
Look into the face of Oblivion.
Gaze into nothing.

My marvelous weapon, Dear Reader, is yet to be revealed.
It took several raids, some in the dead of night when secrecy can be maintained the easiest. We tramped into others' territory and pilfered what secrets we could.  I did a few drops in Lake Town, had a chilling brunch in Colorado Springs, and got crates full of loot out of New Jersey.
Oh sure, some of it smells.

A combination of alcohol, crow, and actors.

I spent some time up in Seattle, though brief, and came out the other end a more vicious, more determined ghost.  I got down to Portland, up to Yellowknife, across to Kingston, and missed the flight to Essex.
We had more planned, but we don't make plans, so Beijing is right out.

Thanks for all the plans, scientist-types.  Your work is harmless apart, together all is made dangerous.
The culmination is a weapon of awesome power.

Well, weapon is in the eye of, well, the hand of the be-- well, holder.
It's not a weapon, in the right hands.
Fortunately (unfortunately) it's in the wrong hands.
A self righteous prick who's ready to do what it takes to get the job done.
That's right.
A Henchman.
The lowest sub-category of human.
And moreso unhuman, because of the whole.. dead thing.

I choose to behave this way. Whether Henchman, Minion, or Villain.
I am, what I am.
I have served none save myself, even when purposefully serving others.
That just makes me EVIL.
That's a label I can.. live... with.

Here in the NECROVERSE, where all things go when they die, we have learned immense patience.
You will come to us, eventually.
You all will.
It all comes out in the wash, eh?
For all your fury, you remain as you are:

nothing

welcomehomeapocalypse
welcomehome





-AW


*You would think after all these years and the boon technology would be to such a job, why doesn't he just get a GPS? I've spotted a few satellites in my day, one of em had to be from the North Pole.

Adventures in Facebook

Every once in a while you come across a gem.

From saving little babies on the street to handing out sandwiches, these heroes don't know when to quit!
Blankets in winter. HAH.
We died of frostbite and we hated it.

Swords, crossbows, arrows, slings, thongs, and miscreant jabber pixies.

Literacy. What is words?

There appears a town by a lake, in it a bank to trade these gems!

I see a lot of posturing, going back and forth, snap jaw mcgraw and quick to wit snip snap zibbety bop.
And no action.

It's time we took some action.
Really, action is taking up our time.
Soon.

Candy canes! ALL OVER FACEBOOK!
GAH!
I am not amused!
Oh sure, not in YOUR facebÜk.

The Multiverse™
"Making any action meaningless."

Barely any frienemies left. The ones that survived the intial wave of cuts (heroes of ill repute were allowed to stay, of course) I barely pay attention to. I simply can't.
I haven't had time for my blog. s. blogs. Multiblogs.
I don't pow wow with the ancestors nearly enough.
I haven't trained Franklin in the technically intricate arts of boomerang. It's my week to teach the henchmen some form of entertainment.*

Keeping one's eye on FacebÜk 24/7 is a task not easily done. Not a single Henchman enjoys it.
Sifting through the chests of screen cap gold. Ooh, SCREEN CAPS!
Ü

I won't forget you, you squishable scamp. Your bronze plated glory will forever shine. Through snow and mild hyperventilation you pave a path through heroes like the majestic orangutan.
Got yer waders on, hoss?

Tis the season Gentlemen (Ladies, or whatever you refer to yourself as gender not specific or otherwise; you could be made of felt or a pickle or a hat, I DON'T KNOW!) and we owe it to ourselves to let Übermas RING!

Resound! Rejoice! Revel! Be Wicked In Your Evil!
WE ARE VILLAINS!
If you're not celebrating Übermas, you are not EVIL. Or you are in a universe where Übermas does not exist (Krelm banish the thought!) or you are not aware of such things (which you must pull yourself from under that rock and welcome yourself to your worst nightmare: 2012).
Delight in your choice to throw off shackles, indignity, pressure, ridicule, judgement, and RULES.

You make your own rules.

So don't celebrate Übermas (whut), remain on the 'Nice' side of the list.
I almost typed the P word there. Heh. Gotta watch that. I only have the one eye to see out of.
Santa is gonna get his.
He's been, heh, tracking me through FacebÜk.
Apparently it's not that difficult. So watch yourselves.

I hate admitting this, but, confession: I'm going to need help again this year.
It's a sign of weakness, I know, but, forget all that bullshit and look at what that Fat Bastard has accomplished. What toys he has, what technology. The magic.
The workforce.
Whatever floats your boat.
Let's just do this.

The Flying Dutchman is in dry dock (okay, that was bad) and we've been ready since last Übernas, Some of us are still fighting up there. Day after day.
Night after oh so holy night.

All you have to do is have read through this blather up to this point, proving you are either smart, gullible, or dumb enough to have read this far, not have been offended at just calling you smart, gullible, or dumb just now, and understand the jibber-jabber that's coming out of my fingertips and into your looky eye thingies.
Contracts?
We don't need no stinking contracts.
We're not actors.

There is the loot. Santa has plenty of toys. Candy cane themed, mostly. Gingerbread tech was a breakthrough, and the Bag of Heart's Desire or Ever Holding, whichever you prefer (his magic is powerful, goddamn christmas magic), is a miracle of science and magic.
Money, power..

No sex, plenty of greed.

Operation: Kill Kringle 2012

Trending trends trend trendily.
Metrics.
1k downloads. Biscuits.

Febuloids, Speculoids, Febuspeculoids, Specufebuloids, Lloyds.

This Multiverse™ is getting on my nerve.

--RIP Obsidian Labs.

*What? Boomeranging is VERY entertaining.

tagsareeverything

Happy Trails

For more posthumous communique, tune in tonight!




Did you seriously think I was joking about being a necromancer?



Are you NEW here?

Metacognology: Freeing The Mind

Greetings!
I am Agent Wraith.

For this post, I seek to enlighten.
Sure, you've already got your tin foil hats firmly planted and shaped to keep out all that Scientology implores you to believe, so you might just be immune.
However, if you'd like a delightful (some would say inspiring) read, try this:

The Revolution Marches On

Before you go getting a hair across your ample backside, know this:
Agent Wraith does what he wants.
Always has.  Always will.
Call me what you will, the internet is great for anonymous relatively retribution-free snarkiness.
And let's not forget Freedom Of Speech.

I see this as an experiment.
Life.
One big experiment.
Variables, controls, catalysts, accidents.
Something is lacking though.  A fundamental change of the mind.
It's change.  And people fear change.
Humans are generally xenophobic (and stupid), so there's that.

But, if we are to progress (and there is a mouse in my pocket*), there has to be a cohesive thought to pull us toward a BEtter future.
Not a worse one.

And it has to be responsible.
There are destructive personalities out there who would throw the biggest monkey-wrench into the mix just because they can.
I'd say I'd be the top dog, but seriously, I live in my mother's basement.
And... in this world of bigger fish, there's got to be someone else out there.
And.. in this world of constant one-upsmanship, seriously?

And I am just a tiny internetizen with a penchant for poor theatrics.

There you have it.
Agent Wraith condones the responsible use of illegal 'drugs' to empower the mind for changes for the betterment of the planet.
Damn.
Hero-speak.

Bleh.

Whatever happened to wiping humans off the face of the planet en masse because they are the MAIN problem?

What happened to unbiased extinction of the human race?

Heh.  For a Zionist-Jew that hates everything (including the Aryan race descended from Heaven), I think I'm doing well.

Up next (this time for real), we look at Agent Wraith.
Harshly.

Target acquired.
Fire when ready.

Agent Wraith
p.s. Any potential back stabbers will note that Agent Wraith is incorporeal.
Your knife (unless Relic or Artifact) will have no effect.  Perhaps a ceremonial blade?

Metamorphosis

Things aren't always as they seem.

We know this.

The eyes can convince the mind many things.
The mind can convince the eyes anything.

Here's where we stand over at Los Sauces:
Franklin has destroyed the central air.
The temperature hasn't been below 80 for weeks.

I cannot begin to describe the smell.

LOS SAUCES: CLOSED FOR "AROMATIC" REASONS

I can hear the keys.
I can hear the proton packs charging.

I am Jack's-former-military indoctrination.

The things that stand between us now, is who's crazy enough to take it to the next level.

Become the next level.

MLOL

I remember saying I was the next step in human evolution.
I sound like I'm being vain.
Perhaps I should not follow the Gentleman's Guide to Villainy, When Dealing With Other Villains; Paragraph 3, Resolution of Grievances:

Name the place and we duel.

Yes, Steam Punk is ridiculous. I won't mind giant mechanoid suits of armor, though.
Should be easy.

Now follow along to the rhythm in this line: villains do these things for notoriety, the attention time.
The technology is easy, you see, A to B; a flip of the switch, Back From The Future it will be.
Nope.
Can't beatnik it up.
22 hates hippies.
Any kind of hippies.

22.
She tempers me.
If that makes any sense.  Probably why things are where they are now.
She keeps me under control and in control.
The most important part of the tribe.
Her recovery is tantamount to my existence.
My fetter.

Crap. I can't keep slipping up like this.
Typing something I'm sure is too much information, not editing it out of the post; not caring.

Make it so.

CHAOS!

I return to the shadows from whence I came.

I see my family.
They bid me take my place among them.
































boo.