Adventures in Facebook

Every once in a while you come across a gem.

From saving little babies on the street to handing out sandwiches, these heroes don't know when to quit!
Blankets in winter. HAH.
We died of frostbite and we hated it.

Swords, crossbows, arrows, slings, thongs, and miscreant jabber pixies.

Literacy. What is words?

There appears a town by a lake, in it a bank to trade these gems!

I see a lot of posturing, going back and forth, snap jaw mcgraw and quick to wit snip snap zibbety bop.
And no action.

It's time we took some action.
Really, action is taking up our time.
Soon.

Candy canes! ALL OVER FACEBOOK!
GAH!
I am not amused!
Oh sure, not in YOUR facebÜk.

The Multiverse™
"Making any action meaningless."

Barely any frienemies left. The ones that survived the intial wave of cuts (heroes of ill repute were allowed to stay, of course) I barely pay attention to. I simply can't.
I haven't had time for my blog. s. blogs. Multiblogs.
I don't pow wow with the ancestors nearly enough.
I haven't trained Franklin in the technically intricate arts of boomerang. It's my week to teach the henchmen some form of entertainment.*

Keeping one's eye on FacebÜk 24/7 is a task not easily done. Not a single Henchman enjoys it.
Sifting through the chests of screen cap gold. Ooh, SCREEN CAPS!
Ü

I won't forget you, you squishable scamp. Your bronze plated glory will forever shine. Through snow and mild hyperventilation you pave a path through heroes like the majestic orangutan.
Got yer waders on, hoss?

Tis the season Gentlemen (Ladies, or whatever you refer to yourself as gender not specific or otherwise; you could be made of felt or a pickle or a hat, I DON'T KNOW!) and we owe it to ourselves to let Übermas RING!

Resound! Rejoice! Revel! Be Wicked In Your Evil!
WE ARE VILLAINS!
If you're not celebrating Übermas, you are not EVIL. Or you are in a universe where Übermas does not exist (Krelm banish the thought!) or you are not aware of such things (which you must pull yourself from under that rock and welcome yourself to your worst nightmare: 2012).
Delight in your choice to throw off shackles, indignity, pressure, ridicule, judgement, and RULES.

You make your own rules.

So don't celebrate Übermas (whut), remain on the 'Nice' side of the list.
I almost typed the P word there. Heh. Gotta watch that. I only have the one eye to see out of.
Santa is gonna get his.
He's been, heh, tracking me through FacebÜk.
Apparently it's not that difficult. So watch yourselves.

I hate admitting this, but, confession: I'm going to need help again this year.
It's a sign of weakness, I know, but, forget all that bullshit and look at what that Fat Bastard has accomplished. What toys he has, what technology. The magic.
The workforce.
Whatever floats your boat.
Let's just do this.

The Flying Dutchman is in dry dock (okay, that was bad) and we've been ready since last Übernas, Some of us are still fighting up there. Day after day.
Night after oh so holy night.

All you have to do is have read through this blather up to this point, proving you are either smart, gullible, or dumb enough to have read this far, not have been offended at just calling you smart, gullible, or dumb just now, and understand the jibber-jabber that's coming out of my fingertips and into your looky eye thingies.
Contracts?
We don't need no stinking contracts.
We're not actors.

There is the loot. Santa has plenty of toys. Candy cane themed, mostly. Gingerbread tech was a breakthrough, and the Bag of Heart's Desire or Ever Holding, whichever you prefer (his magic is powerful, goddamn christmas magic), is a miracle of science and magic.
Money, power..

No sex, plenty of greed.

Operation: Kill Kringle 2012

Trending trends trend trendily.
Metrics.
1k downloads. Biscuits.

Febuloids, Speculoids, Febuspeculoids, Specufebuloids, Lloyds.

This Multiverse™ is getting on my nerve.

--RIP Obsidian Labs.

*What? Boomeranging is VERY entertaining.

tagsareeverything

Blast The Past

you will fear me now
i know that you know i know
chronophobia



Before we get started (again), let me entice you with this lovely bit:
Of Henchmen And Villains.

Now to disseminate.

Villains have no standard save their own.


1. While I hold myself to VERY LOW standards, I have broken the law, will likely break more, bring harm (re: DEATH) to many and incite even more to commit atrocities.


2. Where I have shown respect to Villains, it has been well received and reciprocated.  Where I have shown respect to heroes, it has been met with disgust and.. shudder.. lies.  I expect nothing from humans except their ignorance, bigotry, stupidity, and capacity to be manipulated.


3.  If you can read (a FEAT for some), I have given quite a bit of courtesy.  It's not a rather villainous word. My natural demeanor is of SUPERIORITY.  Educated, trained, and forged to destroy; humans are obsolete.  And if I want to roll around in the mud, I will roll in the mud.


4.  Indeed.


5.  If heroes survive the initial onslaught, destroy them.  Death rays first.  Challenge is for the weak.  Give the "superhero" no quarter (literal or figurative) and harry him/her to the bitter ends of the crumbling planet.


6.  "Villainy" will do as it wishes.  Tact, guile, and whatnot are cast aside.  "Villainy" does as it pleases, an ever changing mass of whatever-the-crap it will.  To each his own, whether it's the Millionth Coming Of The Joker, or the "shining star" of the moment.  Do what ye will, just stay out of my yard.


7.  Lie. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.  Lie like your pitiful lives depend upon it.  It does.  It really does.  Perpetrate misinformation about EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.  Parodies abound.  Humiliate and degrade, drive the human into isolation.  Destroy the characters.  Destroy the character of the characters.  Drown them in their bile.


8.  Unleash the Dogs of War.


9.  It is MY "Big Picture".  In that picture is the desiccated husk of the planet, clutched deep in the heart of a gravity well.  No, I won't use that name just yet.  I'm not on the Facebook, can't have a status to comment upon.. no follow up video.. or horrible cinema revelation.  Claim whatever slice of this rock as you wish.  I will enjoy scorching it from under your heel.


10.  In general, I would agree.  Knowledge has grown with such rogues; their secrets.  The company of humans is no longer welcome.


11.  I cultivate FEAR.  Cringe, recoil, gasp, reel, and be terrorized!  Be afraid of what the future holds!  I have SEEN it!  It does not bode well for HUMANITY!  I have this... list.. yes, yes, NO!  I exploit your personal information.  Special delivery.


12.  If you know me (and so few of you really do) then you know very little.  I am a compulsive liar.  From stories of my childhood to forays into combat zones to work history to account accounts.  My lies stretch out before me and behind me.  You know only what I have given freely.  You didn't question why?  That's just silly.


Meanwhile, on the internets...

Guilty!
All charges!


-Agent Wraith