Moving forward, 2011...

Baby steps, A.W.  Baby steps.

So!

We move forward towards another year and as we do I take in the surroundings and I ponder the future.  Isn't that quaint.  Little super-heroes..
Anyways.

My resolutions will be forthcoming.  But first, I'd like to make a few predictions.  I'm going to start slow and try not to use too big of words.  You never know who could be trying to read this.

Natural Disaster.
And big ones.
Bigger than we've seen.
Record breakers.
Millions will cross the shroud.
And it still will be a mere dent.
But, it's coming.
Earthquake where you least expect it.  Like Greenland.. or Iowa.
One of those big fucking waves.. right up the coast of Africa.
Monsoons.  Tsunamis.  Hurricanes.  Whatever you want to label them (depending on where they pop up).. Earth is going to get them.
And in force.
Mama Earth is pissed.
And she's going to start really taking her shit back.
All that oil you pulled out?
All those minerals you're using for your stuff?  Your buildings?  Your vehicles?
She wants it back.
Mother Nature, the big bad Repo-Man.
You're in for it.
I'm just glad I'm already dead.

Heroes and Villains as far as the EYE can see.
That's right.  I said it.
The tip of the iceberg has been struck ladies and gentlegerms.
They're out there.  Just about ready to post that first post.
Maybe to never be seen again.
But they are out there.  There will be many, MANY more additions to our ranks.  Both good and bad.  And I mean that in two ways.  One; there will be heroes and villains.  Two; some are going to be good at what they do, some are going to be downright awful.  But hey, that comes with the territory.  Humans handle this crap differently.  Some are going to have witty comebacks to all the evil shenanigans and some will only respond with 'Yeah, well, YOU SMELL!'
Oh, prepubescent youth.  Takes me back.
Be prepared for this inevitability.  Either guide them with a firm hand or crush them with an iron fist.  Some may make grand allies, some only fodder for the incinerator (mental note: Have someone check the furnace).
Either way, we're going to see a definite influx of  'new blood'.
Speaking on that.. I want to take a moment to note something.
I've been at this for a while.  Yeah, I haven't been 'active' in the 'community' for very long.. but that doesn't mean I just started this schtick yesterday.  There are bound to be others.  I can't be the only one.  It just doesn't compute, ya know?  I've heard the rantings and the arguments.  But, they are all bunk.  As a so-called 'villain', I'm just going to call bullshit.  Not every villain, or hero, is going to want their exploits publicized.  Anonymity, safety, and just plain smarts come to mind.
In the case of a hero (a TRUE hero, anyways) who wouldn't want his actions dragged before public scrutiny to be picked apart, dissected and prodded; more power to them (how OFTEN do you hear about the EMT who saves your neighbors life?)..  If they know anything about the 'community', it's for good reason.  Both sides of the RLSH/SV have been tearing each other down before DAY ONE.  A 'new guy' would want to steer as clear of that as humanly possible.  And if they aren't costumed.. like a paramedic, it's just your JOB.  At best, you get more hours or a commendation.  Maybe a little tv time from a broadcast station that takes the time to do a piece on your 'heroics'.
And as for villains.. well, regardless of what has been thrown at me, I still don't see someone proclaiming their 'villain-hood', daring folks to stop them, or taking responsibility for dastardly deeds being a smart idea.  Let's touch on that for a moment.
Let's say there's this guy, likes to dress up, claim he robs banks and even names a few he's hit.  It wouldn't take long for the FBI, NSA, CIA, JADL, or any other agency to track him down.
Boom.
No more payroll for the henches and he's probably going to have a few dozen new 'friends'.  The kind that 'don't take kindly' to folks that wear spandex.
Notoriety is a double edged sword.  Sure, people know your name.  But, people KNOW YOUR NAME.  They know it was you who endangered peoples lives.  They know it was you who stole that 'science project'.
They know who to blame and who to punish.
And what?  You think that makes you a better person?  Makes you a 'big man'?  A 'tough guy'?  Chances are, you're regretting your decision already.  By the time they knock on your door (if they knock), there's already a DA with your half-assed deal waiting when you get downtown.
Now, if you're a criminal.. you probably know those who know your actions are liabilities.  They could squeal/snitch/rat you out.  How is that going to go over well?
When they cuff you (and likely, they will), you'll only have yourself to blame.  But hey, shake your fist inside your cell.  The only ones laughing are the other inmates.  And they treat supervillains real nice in prison.
Real nice.
If you like that OMG-my-ass-feels-like-20-taco-nights-and-it's-only-day-3-of-my-10-year-sentence feeling.
And still, you don't see Victor Giovanni, 50 yrs old, head of 'family business', contacting the newspapers to tell them goons he hired successfully knocked over a diamond store.
That's just BAD business.
So, heroes and villains, they are out there.  Some may be known.. some unknown.
Hell, did your 'career' start when you made your first YouTube video?  Your first Blogspot?  Your first MySpace or Twitter?  No, I doubt it.  And you'll probably contradict that position by telling me it was when you were a teenager, right after you stole your first Abba-Zabba.  Mine wasn't when I was pushed/tripped/fell into that vat of industrial solvents either, but who's keeping score?
Oh, right.
You are.
Well, there will be more.. and not just the 'caped' variety if you catch my drift.
Leading to...


Escalation.
Übermas was just the beginning.  You think excess was celebrated?  Ha.  We have it in our hearts, probably on our tables, but even Bill Gates is crying over the slight loss he's going to take in 11'.  The United States administration has been lying to it's populace before Washington set frozen foot in Valley Forge.  And it's the same all over the globe.  I guess I could say it's just humans.. doing what they do best.  Lying.  Manipulating.  Keeping the power for themselves and ensuring a decaying rotten world for the rest of us to inherit.  I could say it and be right.
But not 100%.  So, I need to clarify.
Earth is headed for World War Three.
Shit, its practically happening now.
It's been going on in Africa for almost a decade.
You think North Korea puts a brown spot in your skivvies?  Wait till you see what China has in store..
It is inevitable.  War will happen, as it always does, and soon, right on your doorstep.
If it hasn't already.
But, instead of world 'powers' teaming up, it will be a true World War.
War.. that blankets the world.
From street to street, suburb to suburb, from ranch to skyscraper, from ghetto to industrial center, from orchard to port.. there will be war.
There will be blood.
And I drink YOUR milkshake!  I drink it up!
Sorry.
But, good news, in a way.. Everything will go ape-shit (how's that for primate innuendo, Malvado?)!
Music will get even more horribly bland (like THAT'S possible), food will be exceedingly rich and cholesterol packed.. and it will be nigh impossible to simple NOT buy something without paying for it.  I don't mean stealing.. or actually purchasing it.  I mean paying for it.  Your hours will be cut, your pay will be cut, and the prices will increase.  You'll have to work harder, longer, for less.. and still pay more.
Everything will be increased and exaggerated.
Breaking News!  We're sorry to interrupt your Pre-pre show World Talent It-Factor Idol Preliminary Audition Show to bring you the following!  A kitten was lost three days ago and still hasn't been found!
Television has already been on the road to oblivion since Medium, so at least that won't distract you.
Just the rest of the sheep.  But, that's a good topic.. so let's kind of stick to it...

The Zombie Apocalypse.
Oh yes.  I said it.
Zombies.
Okay, maybe not the 'Uhhhhh!' or 'Brains!' variety, but mindless, shambling hordes.
This kinda ties into WWIII.  Get rid of your god damn idiot box and stop believing the lies.
You can't trust a human.
You can't trust any of them.
Given the chance.. they will eat you.
Seriously!  Get stuck with a few of them.. get to the point of starvation.. suddenly everyone's morals fade and they start eyeballing you like a No. 2 combo at McDonald's.  Survival.  My ass.
Selfishness.
You humans are going to be the downfall of yourself.
Those of you who read this and see the message.. prepare yourself.
We're at war.
Yep, WWIII.
Us v.s. Them.
I'm not going to end up on the menu.


Are you?

--
A special thanks go out to all those who have been paying attention.  I'm moving through this world alongside you all, experiencing the same fears, terror, loves, hatred, excitement, and trepidations that you are.  I admire your perseverance in the face of adversity and encourage you to hold fast to your ideals, no matter how loony you may seem.  You are not only my peers, but my comrades.  I stand (or float) beside you proudly.

Not in any particular order:
Henchman 22, Franklin, Malvado, Unknown464, Lord Malignance, Poop Knife, Crossfire, Overlord, Computer King, John Soares, RevTomFury, White Skull, Vollita, Agent Beryllium, The League of Like Minded Individuals.. and if I forgot anyone and you feel slighted, be sure to harass me in some manner until I relinquish to your demands.  If you have WMDs.  And perhaps hostages.  And 1 billion dollars.
I will respect that.
For in this New Age.. we need you to stand up for yourself.
And I need the money.
And nuclear 'stroke'.
Heh.

Übermas 2010

Well, here we are.  Some of us only hours away.  Celebrate it how you will.
Excelsior.
Here's how I would handle it.  But, this is just me.  In the spirit (excess), I have made these few notes.
I might do this for 2011.  I don't know.
I'm still trying to get used to having roughly 2 years left on the planet.
If you believe that whole 2012 bull.
And 2011?  Seriously?
Where the hell did 2010 go?
Anyways.  Back on track.

Übermas is rumored/speculated/surmised/postulated to be about excess.  Or at least it should be something about excess, whatever.  Let's just go with it and follow along.

I'm sick of holidays.  You get a few weeks leading up to the damn thing, chaos and bustling, trying to get ready for it; then one 24 hour period (where you spend maybe half that) to actually celebrate it.
So, screw one day.  Screw a week.
We're villains?  We take what we want?
Then let's begin negotiations.

And hope you have hostages.

October 31, Halloween. Live it up.  The beginning of Übermas celebrations!  Trick-or-Treat with the kiddies!  Whether you fly solo or are with a group, genuinely go door-to-door or stalk plumped sacks of candy until they pass that shadowy section of Maple Street.. have at it!  Eat your fill of sugary tooth-rotting malignancy!  (Yes.  One knows how sugar affects one's body, after all.  Giggling ensues.  And yes, LM, I'm looking at you.  You cheeky devil.  Oh, and before I get too far along..If you use Windows: Hold Alt, type 0220, then release. ;)  You're alright in my book.)
Sure, it's a day to remember the dead for some.  For others, it's just a way to push their theological ideals and dogma on those who want to have fun (and by fun, I mean gorging on candy and dressing up like the scariest mofo on the block!).  But, seriously, the dead really could give a crap less if you remember them or not.  They are much too involved with other crap to even notice, really.  Some actually care, yeah, but most just wait for the Rapture.
You know.
Revelation.
Anywho.
The dead really just want you to live your life.  Because they don't really have one anymore.  You would think that would make them pay more attention, but it doesn't.  Time is weird on the other side.  Well, weird by human perception anyways.  It may seem like decades to you, but on the other side, it could be like seconds.
Or worse.  Longer.
I'm straying again.

Thanksgiving!  Whenever that damn thing comes in the years to come.  What is it?  The 3rd Thursday.  (Thanks 22.  Keeping the facts straight.)  So, yeah.  How else to celebrate more excess than to stuff yourself like the turkey?  Pack it in there, pally.  You only get one body, one life (for now), might as well pack as much turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and cranberry sauce in there as you can!  With any luck, you'll finally have that stroke or heart attack and meet up with me.  I'll save you a spot and show you where all the good haunting spots are (hint: it's not New Jersey).
Take a moment to recognize the villain behind this day:  White People.  If it weren't for their greed, Americans would probably not have anything to celebrate on this day!  If they didn't come to North America, someone else would have.. and no telling how that would have worked out.
Oh, wait.  Probably just the same.
So, forget what I said about the white folk.
Remember the Natives who took care of the white folk so less of them would die.  Which made a lot of sense considering there were more waiting to 'come over' and it would have made little difference if they all disappeared (see:  Roanoke Colony).

Christmas.  Ugh.  I suggest spending every day kicking the Salvation Army buckets.  Maybe not knocking them over, but just giving them a good boot.  Yeah, RevTomFury gets credit for this inspirational tidbit.  I loved it the minute I heard it.  Maybe even put a dollar in first.  Just to show your disgust.  Because I am disgusted with Christmas.  Christians argue that it's not about Christ's birth anymore.. IT NEVER WAS!  Well, not really.  I'm not going to go into it in depth (for sake of my sanity), but I will say this:
What shepherd has his sheep out in December?  Let me rephrase that:  What person (shepherd) who takes care of a group (flock) of animals (sheep) would have them outside in December (Winter)??  Christ wasn't even born in December.  Or maybe he was.  December is actually a mild climate time of year in the supposed region, so, it could have been the 25th.  So what?  I'm not going to argue over what or who or where or when.  I wasn't there.  Neither were you.  Didn't I say I wasn't going to get into this?
Okay, so, go overboard with the gifting.  Make the biggest list possible, put every version of Death Ray™ you can find on it.  Put the moon on it for that matter.  And if you don't get what you want?
Shake your fist in the air, curse Santa Claus, and vow vengeance.  One minion will perish per day until Christmas comes again you fat bastard!  Or something like that.
And don't forget your nemesis!  Explosives, acid, and viral agents are all acceptable forms of gifts.  Just be aware of the local laws concerning the shipment of such things.  Nobody wants to get fined for improper handling of hazardous materials.  Or face serious jail time, for that matter.

Every day in between!  Live it up!  We've now got nearly two months to revel in our villainy!  Kick over trashcans!  Besmirch local heroes!  Slap old people!  Okay, don't do those things.  Just think about them.  Okay, don't think about them.  Maybe just embrace your opulence and opine your inner-villain.  Maybe take some time to be a dick (or cunt, as Agent Beryllium would phrase it).

Übermas!  Now, I admit, I had trouble remembering the actual date.  But, a great terrible Lord reminds us that Stan Lee was born on this day and that makes it easier.  Stan Lee, being one of the many minds (not forgetting Kirby! just in case the EYE sees this) who brought us the first heroes (and villains) should be thanked (or cursed, as you see fit) on this day.  I suggest celebrating with a good cemetery 'liberation'!  Those in the know (or anyone who's worth their weight in Geddy Lee like hair and voodoo lore), know this means a good ole-fashioned grave robbery.  Tuck some corpses under your Motocross chest plate and run 'em back to the Monkey Cages.  I'm sure there's some ketchup handy somewheres.  Ooh.  Got on a tangent.  Damnit, Malvado!  I'm the one who does the possession around here!  LOL
Treat this day above all others!  This can be a celebration of your birth (or rebirth) as a villain!  In mockery of Christmas, you can now be your own savior!  You, who have stood out amongst the sheep, daring the circling wolves to taste your flesh first!  You, who have grasped life by it's tiny wrinkly little balls and gave 'em a good twisting!  You, who have cast off your former delusions of good and chose to lead (not follow) the path of evil.

So, that's my take on it.  I've been meandering around the interweb, reading up on everyone's views and thoughts on the matter.  Though I have liked what I saw, I just didn't find anything that fit with me.  And that's who really matters.  Right?
Malvado has some good advice that you all (heroes, villains, humans alike) should heed.  "Find out what works for you and go with it."  The man has been portrayed as hated, but I got a soft spot somewhere in this plasm for him.  I haven't raised his ire, yet.  Heaven (or Hell) help me if I ever do.
And that's what we all should do.  So, thanks for reading this far.
Sorry if I caused any migraines.
Or helped any along.

As the year comes to a close, I wish you all a prosperous new year.

With that out of the way, I can now slumber.  The holiday holds no fond feelings.  I spent too many mornings disillusioned that Santa was going to bring gifts to a good little boy.  Ma and Pa said there was no Santa.  Even if there was, I was on the naughty list.  Yet, I was robbed even of my coal.

And on that note.
Fuck you, Krampussy.
This can't seriously be the first time anyone's heard that one?
Really?!

Updates for the holidays. *groan* New year? Already.

Well, it's beginning to look alot like Christmas around here.

I would rather stick to the tradition my family always had; tossing me in the corner and feeding me with a slingshot.  Christmas brought treasured gifts; bruises, wounds, lost teeth.  Ma' and Pa' Wraith were too kind.
They didn't grow themselves quite the bastard son they had hoped for.

Nope.

Done grown'd them a 'throwback'.

This year, I believe Christmas has some menial support through the newest of our employees.  They stand vigilant against the biting cold, ringing that stupid bell.  I like the color scheme, their outlook on devastating humankind, and their overall negligence in the face of hiring the 'goon squad'.

My army is my salvation.

This upcoming year, I plan to take things back to basics.  I've been having meetings of all kinds, filling out paperworks, getting my faxes together and even sent out a few encrypted morse code messages.  I don't think I paid too much attention to where they were sent.. or what was in them.. so. Yeah.

Basics.  Right.

Make sense.

That's been my apparent problem as of late.  Make sense.
I say I'm 'evil'.  I say I'm a 'villain'.  But, what have I done?  What have I done to prove my evil?
Prove. Prove I'm evil.

.

Really?

Aaaaaaaanyways.
I would like to welcome the growing number to the organizations roster list of things.. henchmen.. people.  I've had numerous submissions in response to Attn: Henchmen Wanted!

:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxA4FHoBpmo

Just in case you didn't catch it.

I'm going through them all, honest.  Be patient.  I'm thinking of a Top 10...
But I don't want to get too 'Letterman'.
I met some seriously funny people, some strange, and some really strange.  But, so far, I like this process.
Perhaps we will let it run to infinity and let you send responses and submissions forever.
Ooh. Can't wait for YouTube to turn all Capitalist.
Cha-ching.  $ $ $
I also brought some new 'henches', even one I had to hire.
And by 'hire', I mean actually pay.
Not just conscript; I believe some have termed it 'shanghai'? You know? When you put a bag over their head and whack 'em on the base of the.. what?
Anyways, I'll be introducing some of my immediate subordinates.. probably by the time Claus gets here.

Speaking of subordinates, I'm sure some of you are wondering about Franklin.
I don't know why. That sneaky little booger has caused more trouble than he was worth.
Regardless, I found the potential within him.. he is doing just fine.
Although, he does smell a bit more.
The things you can do with Necromancy and Science.
Look it up.

I will possibly write more in the next coming days, expect a video update soon, and will have pictures of the madness that is my life.  Well, unlife.  Whatever you want to call it.

Before I forget, here's wishing you all very prosperous days in 2011.  Work hard, play hard, and make every last moment count.
You never know what tomorrow may bring.  Or if there is even a tomorrow.  Or if you'll end up a shade of your former self.

Or just a shade.

There Is Work To Be Done

'Frienemies'!

Your eyes do not deceive you. I AM Agent Wraith.  I come to you from deep within the Earth to bring you a very special report.

The world is changing.

Not breaking news, is it?  No.  But, the world taking the final step, the world taking notice; the world beginning to strike back, that, is something too few of you have heard.  Those few who have discovered the facts rarely, if ever,understand or worse, accept.

The world is changing, we all can see it, and those who are not prepared for the coming events will be swept under the tide.  There is an evil, a very ancient evil, that has been riding next to humanity since its first steps upright out of thegenetic cesspool.

Destruction.  Death.  Oblivion.

It cares not who it takes.  It cares not what it takes.  All things will pass unto dust and the machinations of this sad pathetic world will be nothing more than cosmic refuse.  Before you start jibbering that I'm some kind of 'Doomsday'nut, well, let me just say this:

The end is nigh.

Whut.

You have precious little time left, so start your engines.  There were plenty before you, they wasted precious time.  We are the ones who will be at the forefront, the ones facing the tempest.  Those who fail will be crushed, abashed, disintegrated in the onslaught.  Their works will be a foundation that we will build upon so our castles never burn down, fall over and then sink into the swamp.

We should not stand idly by and witness.  If futility is what the future holds, I will not simply crouch, I will conquer, I will push forward, I will make every last moment count.  I will never back down, I will never give up, I will manifest mydestiny.

Communications on Earth are advancing.  Soon, Earth will be able to connect all its peoples in a singular consciousness; blogs, vlogs, internets, interfaces, projectorwebs, etc. will allow all the animals to be a-'twitter'.  The world will be watching.  But, one must acknowledge something.

Our world is unique.  The multitude of improbabilities that our planet surpassed to become what it is now, is simply a miracle.  The facts are, that in a universe ever expanding, infinite; somewhere out there, it may have been possible as well.  Infinite space, infinite possibility.  Infinitely possible.

The eye of the universe is already upon us all.  It will watch us, denizens of Earth.  It will see how we govern, how we act, what we have done and will do.  The future is ours to create.  The world will be shaped by our design.

I stand before you today and make this solemn vow.  I create a world that will never be forgotten.  I hold a grudge against humans, for what they have done, and see them as my greatest enemy.  Were it not for their stupidity, greed, and selfishness, this world would be a far better place.

For that, I will not forgive.

You will not forget, ever again.

-Agent Wraith

Villain

If you didn't read my post about 'evil is in the eye of the beholder', for shame.  But, I can't blame you.  How are you supposed to keep up with all this crap floating around the internets?  Hell, I can't.  No one can.

First, I would like to congratulate those responsible for the recent weather patterns.  I could say scientists for their creation of some sort of weather-control device, but we all know that's been banned from use in war.

(I'll talk more about 'the war' later.)

Really, I think it's just those humans at it again.  Or, what they've been up to since they scrapped the hemp-ethanol engine.  Pollution.

Mama-Earth isn't too happy with humans these days.  Nope, she's pretty pissed off.  And like all true-villains, she's taking her sweet time getting revenge on us all.

Because if you are not helping solve the problem, you are part of it.

On this note, I would like to point out what YOU can do to be part of the solution.

Keep doing what you are doing.  This may seem to be a little hypocritical and you may be asking yourself how do I propose this when I just said.. Never-you-mind that.

You stay a zombie, stay plugged into your little microcosm.  The television, your tv shows, your entertainment gossip, your endless futile vomit-inducing crap.. keep watching it.  Stay blind.

That will keep you out of my way.

I wish sometimes that I could change the planet.  When the night gets late, when the sounds die down and all is quiet, when I look outside and see the universe from this tiny miracle of a planet.. I wish things could have been different.  That we weren't where we are now.

But then..

I become angry.

You filthy craptastic egotistical selfish little humans.  You fucked it all up.  You had to have the money, the control, the power.  Well, now you've got it all.. but it's not absolute.

Okay, now that I've blabbered on for a minute I can really get down to business.  Most will simply disregard the first half, scroll down to the bottom, assume that there is nothing of importance and move on.  For most..
That'll do, pig. That'll do.

When you understand the nature of a thing, you know what it's capable of.


There is plenty of war going on right now.  But, I want to talk about the war that is secret.  The Secret War.  And no, you are not going to get some nifty little costume that pops out of a piece of alien tech when yours gets a little shredded.


I'm talking about The War.  Not the War on Terror.  Shit, that is going to be indefinite.  We will never get out of that one.  And when I say 'we', I mean everyone.  There's always going to be some crazy motherfucker out there who is going to use terror to get what they want.  I'm not talking about that stupid thing.


No, I'm talking about the onslaught of the mind.


Audio.. Visual.. warfare.  Soon, your rights to see or hear will be taxed.  Soon, they will take your freedoms away concerning these two senses.  Because, when you can see what needs changed, when you can hear what needs to be done.. you can make that choice:  To do, or not to do.


When you have that choice taken from you..


You'll sit there and stay docile.


Now for the part I like to call disassembly of the post to prevent any intelligent being from deciphering what the hell I am going on about.  Oh, wait, the problem with that?  Even intelligent folk are going to have a tough time with this.  Not because they are not intelligent enough, no.  Mostly because my post is purposefully random and chronically vapid.


There was a slight breach in my 'villainous' behavior a few days ago, I am slightly confused to admit.  I sometimes work in the Civilian Sector, sometimes to ingratiate myself with humans (who will serve later as disposable henchmen; look, I can't explain everything, but there's this agency I was using who decided to discontinue their 'support'..).  I was on a mandatory break, enjoying a deliciously evil danish (a pleasantly malicious past-time) when I spotted something I really would never have suspected.


A winkie.


Not just any winkie, an old wrinkly winkie.


This alone startled me.  I wasn't expecting (who WOULD?!) some grungy old winkie to suddenly appear in my peripheral and make its way past me.


*shudders*


But then, then I saw why.


Some dirty old man.  A pervert who was going to harass a few young ladies with his ridiculous dink.  They shouted profanity at him, when they noticed, and even went as far to throw a cigarette at him.  For a fleeting moment (a nanosec), I almost felt sorry for him.


But then, I couldn't help myself.


I drop-kicked him to the concrete.  I walked back inside, feeling something I reserve usually for private consumption.
Happiness.
I can almost understand why the capes do what they do.  It felt good to dish out a little karma, smack someone down for justice.. wait, wait, wait.  NO. No, I didn't do it for justice.  I did it for myself.  How dare this geriatric fart-stain think he can wave his shriveled dingle in front of me, in front of young women.. being villainous in front of me??  On my turf?  I shop here (and recruit minions on occasion) here!
I heard that he was taken into custody later.
He should be back sometime next week.


And humans.  What is your deal, anyways?
There are so many of you, some are smart, why haven't you figured it out yet?
Okay, let's break it down with facts.
There is a planet.
The planet has a specific amount of oxygen on it.
There are plants on the planet that help recycle this oxygen, turning carbon monoxide into oxygen.
There is a specific amount of plants on the planet.
There are humans (and other creatures) on the planet that need to consume oxygen to survive.
The humans (and other creatures) populating exponentially.
Some of these same humans are doing things to cut the oxygen resource.. like polluting, deforestation..
Is someone going to tell me that it's never going to run out?
What happens when the people's consumption overtakes the resource?
Is that too far off for you?
Should I bring food into this?
You know that these humans need to eat too, right?
Whoops, I didn't put that in my equation either.
How about the fact that it takes some significant time to create one of these trees that help recycle?
Fact: Trees take longer to grow than humans do.


Hell in a hand-basket?
Yup.


Eat it up you fucking worms.  You're just another dirt-eater.


Now, Mama-Wraith would probably not be happy with her little ghost boy right about now.  She'd probably be shaking a finger at me, griping at me, telling me to think more positively.


And not to use such language.


But.. being a creature of sarcasm and realism.
I am thinking positively.


When the world is left a rotten and dessicated husk, those who are well prepared will fare the best.
Even if it is only a few minutes more, I'll take that last bit of oxygen to laugh in your dying faces.


-A.W.

So, tonight, I got myself a good look at my area's RLSH.

I want to first start off by stating this:

Things are about to change.

I'm not sure if it's just luck, or maybe fate, but I happened upon something tonight that blows my mind.

A super hero.  Well, a hero.. with super powers.  Sort of.  I dunno.  I'm not sure what I saw.  But, I've been working on this for an hour now, trying to get all the details from my (still) flummoxed brain.

Yeah, yeah.  What are you going on about, A.W.?  Have you been taking some of Granpa's cold medicine?

No.

And that chills me to the bone.

Here's the facts:

1.  I was incognito (e.g sans costume), so I did little to reveal my presence.  I don't care how villainous you are.. I'm not suicidal.

2.  In the same vein, I have an identity to protect.  I'm not going to do something to reveal who I am so this jerk (who obviously takes life a little too seriously) can follow me home.

3.  The guy is amazing.

Let me set the scene.

It was wet out. LOL. It had been raining the last few hours.

It was also eerily quiet.  I guess it was crappy enough weather to not drive in (finally).

I was heading back to the lair after a brief meeting with some potential recruits (ie. good buddies who I've been chatting with about starting villainous careers), carrying a few bottles of carbonated beverage (I was low on soda), and spotted a familiar scene.  Flashing blue and red lights.  Cops.

There was two squad cars, parked opposite each other, headlights shining on a third vehicle.  I couldn't tell you what the make or model was, but it was sitting in the drainage ditch.  From what I could hear on their radios, there was a woman (coherent/unconscious, I dunno) and they were waiting on a bus.  So T.V., A.W.  I know.

As I walked past (the other side of the street, mind you), I saw an ambulance heading up the road towards them.

Now, none of this seemed off to me.  I didn't slow down.  The boys-in-blue make me nervous.  Passed two apartments and a convenience store with a few looky-loos peeking out.

But then, like something out of a Marble Hornets entry, as I turned back to where I was heading, I saw him.

Just off to the left.

He ducked behind a building a few blocks up.

Now, I wouldn't normally be so bold as to yell out or chase him down; hell, my heart was racing at that point. I thought it was good ole Slendy come to take me to the Other Side.

So, I tucked my knife into my sleeve and headed past where he just was.

I didn't stop, but what I saw when I turned my hooded head made me wish I carried my camera with me.

(As a further note, I remember exactly why I didn't carry it.  The weather was supposed to be crappy with a chance of crap.. I wasn't going to lose another camera to wind, rain, or whatever else Nature was going to throw at me.)

He scaled the building.  Just like that.  Four stories, just, plooooop!  Like Spiderman.  A big fat Spiderman.

Ooh.  Ollie Osnick, minus the arms.

I admit it.  I ran.  So, technically, I only saw him go up from two to three.  But he went up fast.  Like it was nothing (looking back, it was unreal. Like David Blane, unreal. Hmwa.)!

But as I got another block away, I realized I would never live it down.  And as I headed back, I also figured I would have to get pics of this guy somehow.  And probably figure out his deal.

Seriously, not a single freaking hero for almost a decade, now this.

He was perched on the edge, well, sort of peeking.  Not perching.  Watching.  What?  The scene.  I kept my head down, looked up with my eyes only.

I sauntered (as to look inconspicuous, you know?) up to one of the Middle-Eastern men standing outside the apartments and asked him what was going on.

He said, in very broken English, "Some lady wrecked her car."

Hmm.

I figured I would try again.

I asked, "Wow. Wonder why?"

His response?

"She hit someone."

WTF?!?

So, me: "Hit who? I don't see anyone."

He just shrugged.

I didn't even bother asking how this guy knew what he did.  I guessed, and guessed right.

The convenience store had a scanner.

God Bless Paranoid Citizens.

So, after buying some chips and chatting it up with the clerk (I am such a charming fellow), I got this out of the whole deal.

Here's his description.

He was wearing black (go figure).  What's with the heroes wearing black now?  Are we 'villains' the only one with a sense of color?  How do you like that?  I thought the good guys wore white?

Stupid Batman.

He had some sort of big backpack too.  (When he went around the corner, it was just part of his back and a leg.  But when he went up the wall, he had a big fat backpack.  Maybe he was fat too.. but, anyways, just follow me here.)

Motorcycle helmet, black. It didn't look like one to me (custom job?), but I wasn't exactly up close either.

Amazing.

So, this guy causes an accident and runs.  Great job there, guy.  I'm sure that's a broken law.  Fleeing the scene of an accident?  I technically fled, but I didn't cause the sunofabitch.  But, he goes up a wall like he either has extreme hand strength (manual stimulation overload??) or was deceptively light (was that the backpack's deal?)..

I'm confused.  And scurred.

Although, I could just be hallucinating.

Two peyote wafers later, I could see anything.

Now that I mention that, I wonder where my soda went?

Christmas Wish List Item #047

I want this car.

You can read about it here:

http://www.cartype.com/pages/5188/mercedes-benz_biome__2010

Henchmen Wanted!

OMG, it's like Christmas or something!

Agent Wraith... posting twice in a 24 hour period??

Oh, it's gonna get better than that, kiddies.

Where to start?

Brilliant as always.

Oh, I'm serious about it too.  I want you to gather under my banner.  There are some out there who may rival or indeed surpass my greatness (I doubt it, but just in case, I'm sending assassination squads to your house)!  I enjoy the competition.

Here's a little something extra from RevTomFury.  He's this funny cat on YouTube, likes molestering puppets.  Hey, whatever tickles your pickle pally.  He's awesome in that hand-up-felt-buttocks-all-day kind of way.  Like Frank Oz, with less creepy principal going on.  It does establish a sort of continuity though.  Gives my previously posted video above some credence.



We are the new breed of online evil.

Come join me.

-A.W.

ATTENTION INTERNETS!

Now that I've grasped a portion of that lopsided melon shaped thing on your neck, let me slap it a few times for your benefit.

I, humbled and terrified (are you terrified?) reader, am Agent Wraith!

I am a YouTube enthusiast with a penchant for World Domination.. or a World Domination enthusiast with a penchant for YouTube?

I digress.

Greetings!

If you managed to stumble upon this page seeking some form of enlightenment, you did well.  Now, here comes the disappointment.

I don't really know how to begin, I had all sorts of material written in this strange little form, then deleted it, wrote some more, deleted that, wrote something completely different, went outside, threw a rock (the best way to change someone's mind, mind you; disrespectful people and their loud damn stereos!), came back, deleted what was there, closed down the interweb, restarted the computer, and started all over.

You see what I mean?

I can't seem to figure out how to word what I want to say.  So, I'll just say it.

Greetings! (Wait.  What?)
I am Agent Wraith!
In the spirit of the fast approaching ChristmaHannuKwanzaa season, I will be giving gifts!

What gifts, you ask?  Oh, well, sit down Billy, keep your hat on, and I'll tell ya!

The gifts of information!

BOO! Hiss!  BOO!

Shut it.

I will be revealing many truths, tidbits of delicious information, and several secrets!  And no, not the secret about that time at Band Camp.  I was 13, for crying out loud.  I was young and confused and.. eh?  Oh.

If you were wondering (and let's face it, you were, you know you were), I'm working tirelessly on several new projects!  Stay tuned for a YouTube update for more info!

But, just to tide you over.. here's a small list:

1.  Henchman Expo - I have about six to ten levels of this junk.  It's about time I got rid of it.  Yeah, think of it like a garage sale.  A garage sale where you can buy missiles.

2.  Project Pincer -  I've got crabs.  There, I said it.  Hermies, affectionately dubbed by Henchman 22.  Hermit Crabs, you moron!  I see where your mind is.. anyways.

3.  Transdimensional Technology -  Ever since I acquired that handheldable.. handholdable(?).. handheld device.. all sorts of crazy things have been happening.  I'm going to show you what it can do.

4.  ATVDNA -  I know I hinted at this in Ask Agent Wraith Episode 2.  I will reveal my secret weapon against the Vacuum Consortium!  Themselves!

5.  Your mom -  Because she asked me to.

-A.W.

YouTube Poop

I was perusing the interwebs the other day, I think it was Saturday or Sunday, somewhen over the weekend, as per usual.. and I noticed something.  Well, I actually noticed this a long time ago, but it really hit me full force like a semi's grill to Wile E. Coyote.

There's a lot of crap on the internet.

Yeah, I know.  "Duh, A.W.  Where have you been?"

I really mean a lot of crap.

If you are keen on tropes and memes, you've already heard of Rule 34.. But, I think some sort of addendum or revision need be made.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about at this point, go here:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=rules%20of%20the%20internet

Or here, if you prefer a more meme-defining site:

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/rules-of-the-internet

Or here, if you like a bit of NSFW cynicism.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Rules_of_the_Internet

Aaaanyways.  The 'Bard' said something once about there being a set number of story themes, or something, which is essentially true, but I think when it comes to the internet a different approach is needed.

It's really a combination of several things.

1. There's always a bigger fish.

Somewhere out there is a tweenager, who can do what you can do, a million times better.  If you're big and strong, they are growing them (sometimes right out of the labs) bigger, stronger, faster, and younger than you.

2.  If someone has thought it, it exists; somewhere on the internet.

This is a revisional paraphrase of Rule 34, with less pornographic tendencies; although, one should keep in mind that those exist as well.  It also hearkens back to 'Big Brother', where nothing you say or do is hidden, secret, or safe and somewhere, someone has already 'stolen' whatever it was you were trying to keep for yourself.  Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you.

3.  Ah, forget it.

Let's just get down to business.

The majority of humans are so insipid that they have flooded the world with their stupidity.  They have created a socialization that makes it easier (day by day) to share this idiocy, creating viral nonsense that fills bandwidth and hard-drive alike.  Each day they get exponentially dumber, able to spread their goobery duh-duh-duh faster and faster and faster, and that's just on the internets.

YouTube is only the tip of the idiot iceberg.

Ok, so the things I have been posting on YouTube are just as insipid.  I'm not helping the environment.  I'm not promoting activism or global change.  I'm not utilizing my FREE SPEECH to promote intelligent or spiritual growth, governmental revision, or social reform.  One could argue, with little effort, that I'm just dumping my own piece of YouTube Poop onto the ever growing pile of refuse on the internet.

You are right.

But, if you have come to this conclusion, you're smarter than 90% of the people I am forced to interact with on a daily basis.  You have managed to see through the (trying) hilarious lunacy that I have graced (forced) you to deal with.

I guess I could be called a hypocrite.  But, I really don't want you to change.

As long as there are idiots flooding the channels, drawing you into their mind-numbing lives or tropes, I'll be waiting in the shadows.

Lull yourself into a false sense of security.

I'll be waiting.

Ask Agent Wraith - Episode 2

Stewing the Evil

Alright folks.  Let's get down to business.  What's that title mean?  'Stewing the Evil'  Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Agent Wraith?!?

First, let me break this down.  I see the internet as a window for stupidity to look through.  Some of you out there may not grasp the things I say, so, as a preliminary attack, I will explain a few things.
stew  

v.intr. stewed, stew·ing, stews

1. To undergo cooking by boiling slowly or simmering.

2. Informal To suffer with oppressive heat or stuffy confinement; swelter.

3. Informal To be in a state of anxiety or agitation.

4. Informal Mental agitation: in a stew over losing the game.

Good.  I hope you managed to get through that with little trouble.  I know reading can be difficult for some, but let's not pick on the dyslexic or illiterate.  That can be saved for a later time.

Now, for the next part.  I feel it would be a total waste of time to explain 'the'.  Seriously? If I have to explain this.. How the HELL did you manage to operate a keyboard?!?  Did someone direct you to this website deliberately to torture you?  I can see it, you hunched over, squinting and staring through your thick glasses, making a disgustingly wet snort because of a serious lack of hygiene... trying to read.. frustrated.. that you can't.

That could define evil.  But, just for integrity (LOL).. let's do this:

e·vil

adj. e·vil·er, e·vil·est

1. Morally bad or wrong; wicked: an evil tyrant.

2. Causing ruin, injury, or pain; harmful: the evil effects of a poor diet.

3. Characterized by or indicating future misfortune; ominous: evil omens.

4. Bad or blameworthy by report; infamous: an evil reputation.

5. Characterized by anger or spite; malicious: an evil temper.

Hrm.  This is a conundrum.

Okay, so now (hopefully) you have a good head on your shoulders (I use the term 'good' loosely here) and have figured out, at least, where I'm headed.

I find the query, 'Are you a RLSV?' absolutely redundant.  The thought of being a 'villain' amuses me, yes.  But, do I claim, aspire, or even dare dream of being a 'RLSV'?

In short? No.

I am a villain.  Perhaps a definition of villain is needed?  No, I don't think I will bother you with another lesson on the human language.  I will instead, summarize.

Most (and this probably refers to YOU, dear reader) couple 'villain' with 'evil', as it somehow relates.

I am here to tell you this very simple adage:

Evil is in the eye of the beholder.

What?  That's not how it goes?  Then let me continue to explain it to you.

Evil, in most of it's forms, is subjective.

Sure, by definition, one could ascertain that 'evil' is a 'bad' thing.  I mean, bad things happen.  That's evil right?  Oh, you want to throw morality in it?  I see, now I have to justify that.  In order to commit 'evil', there has to be a higher level of consciousness to dictate a moral negative?  Events that are harmful or 'bad' do not have to be composed or instigated by some malignant schemer, bent on destruction.  'Evil' can be any 'bad' event.

But then, how do you address the 'moral' implication?

My statement: 'Evil is in the eye of the beholder' needs clarification.

Not all 'villains' are simple 'evil' creatures.  'Evil' itself is not so easily bound by the (desperate) human need to organize, clarify, and label everything.

Is nature evil when it conjures a tsunami and wipes out several chains of islands?  Is it evil when those said islands contain a hundred thousand inhabitants?  Let's say 90% of those inhabitants die.  Is it 'evil' then?  Let's say those inhabitants are considered 'primitive' by 'modern' human society.  Is it 'evil' then?  Is it less 'evil'?  Let's complicate things more by saying the islands were rife with starvation.  The island could not support the population and the strain on the wildlife was eradicating them to the point of extinction.  Were the inhabitants 'evil'?  What if the surviving 10% can now support themselves comfortably?  Is this an example of 'evil'?

How about this one?  A man, dressed in a grim visage, hiding his identity, makes it his nightly duty to beat the living crap out of anyone who attempts to mug someone.  He spends each night prowling the streets, searching, stalking, seeking a target to pound into paste.  Some could say:  "Whoa!  That's inappropriate!  He shouldn't be doing that!  That's 'evil'!"

But, let's add some more backstory.. This man, when young, witnessed his parents murdered by a mugger.  He vowed from then on to 'right the wrongs' and deliver his own brand of 'justice'.  Does this make him less 'evil'?  Or just 'Batman'?  Are his methods 'evil'?  Hmm..

A man, gifted with super-strength, flight, and speed, pledges to make the world a better place by using his powers to save the world.  He can be on one side of the world one minute, saving thousands from a volcano and then on the other side, saving thousands from an earthquake.  But, he can't be everywhere at once.  Is he 'evil' for not saving everyone?  Is he selfish for choosing to save one over the other?  Does saving anyone make him less 'evil'? Or just 'Superman'?

Although some can vindicate the moral 'evil' dilemma and say that some 'villains' are 'evil' for evil's sake, not all 'villains' are so.  Some 'villains' are not 'evil'.  Even their methods and actions cannot be seen as evil.  Sure, Hitler was considered 'evil' because of his attempted eradication of all Jews.  But, from his standpoint, from his perspective, he was not considered evil.  Now, before you jump all over me, screaming for my head on a pike, take a breath, untie your panty knots and listen.

Hitler believed what he was doing was right.

I'm not saying I agree with it.  Far from it.  I'm saying he (and several thousand others) thought he was doing the right thing.  The opposite of 'evil'.  That's not saying what he did, or helped instigate, was right.  Just that the 'evil' was subjective.  Obviously, someone (or some-thing) out there thought the Jews needed smiting.  Come to think of it, Jews, or 'God's Chosen' could have been 'chosen' to suffer that atrocity.  I'm not saying Jews need smiting, I'm just suggesting the possibility that God might have had something to do with it.  That wacky Supreme Being.. you can never understand why things happen.  It's a dastardly thought.  But a thought that relates to my adage.

Evil is in the eye of the beholder.

Now, as far as Hitler and the Jews are concerned, I think he was headed in the right direction.  Wait, I'm not agreeing with Hitler.  Let me finish.

Actually, let me explain something first.

There is one creature on this planet that has been an undeniable (yet has incessantly done so) 'evil'.  This creature has bred until it cannot feed itself or its young.  It has bred to the point where it can kill thousands, even millions of its own kind and not make a dent.  It consumes resources at an exponential rate and destroys said resources to make itself comfortable.  It destroys the environment it lives in, not for food, for convenience.  It has done things to itself and other creatures that could indeed be quantified as unadulterated evil.  It continues to do these things until it has no effort, drive, want, need, or inclination to do so, then moves to a new place and starts all over again.  This creature has justified its own brand of 'evil' as 'progress' to get away with it and labeled themselves as the moral high ground to rule and conquer everything on the planet.

Hitler should not have narrowed his scope to the Jews.

Humans are the true evil of this planet.  Humans, who have raped, abused, tortured, maimed, and perverted our planet.  Their laws, while sometimes helpful, serve only themselves, mostly to create a hierarchy of morality with which all of them are judged.  This could have been a good thing, but humans fail miserably at being all-knowing.. which is kind of necessary to qualify judgement.

So, no, I do not believe that what I see myself becoming as 'evil'.

Agent Wraith on Earth, mix in some injustice, insanity, and a healthy dose of intelligence and ingenuity, let simmer for a few decades.  Serves all humanity..

..by killing them all.

LOL