Tactics

Calculations.
Many calculations.

And then the quick breath before the plunge.

We cannot be stopped.

Except that I think my ears are bleeding.
Perfect. Now I can be left ALONE.

-Agent Wraith

FacebÜk

I want to kill you.
I want to dice you into tiny pieces, grind them, and feed you to the homeless.

I hate you so much.

I've worn through three mandibles with incessant grinding teeth.

Listen, kiddies..
I understand reality can be a scary place.
It's full of unwanted variables, I know.

It's okay to be afraid. Fear is a grand motivator.

No matter your game, that's not the point
All you need is a name.
A name and you have a doorway to facebookery.
You can be a facebooker.
It's pronounced face'bhooker.

Likes, Unfollow Posts, Shares, Apps.. Check in, Instagram, blah blah, :P
And groups. GROUPS!!!?!?!?!!!!11!!!11!1
Gah.
I'm too timid with this technology to bother with a new social playground.
I had a 286 explode this morning.

Explode.

And don't get me started on anonymity.
CHANGE YOUR NAME!
HERE'S A NEW FORMAT!
Next will be your bank account.
You will PAY $$$  $$ $ $ $$
Nothing is free.. forever.

A matter of time, Facebook. Only a matter of time.
You will hopefully last long enough to be destroyed.

And then all the other internets.
Spend a dollar to send a message and see who does the talking.

-Agent Wraith

The Supervillain Handbook

The Supervillain Handbook
King Oblivion, PH.D.
as told to Matt D. Wilson



It's listed under HUMOR.

I laughed out loud in parts, related to others, saw corresponding incidences, and found it a pleasant read.
An hour lost, no new information.

Not any I can use.
Aside from the layout and design, which is very trendy.
And trendy is AWESUM!!!!1!1!

I would normally link this, give you some nifty and easy way to order/buy this WONDERFUL PRODUCT..
BUT

The International Society of Supervillains hasn't returned my calls and I've noticed an increase of shifty poorly crafted rockets carrying even shoddier satellites into my little corner of the thermosphere.

So go find your own damn links.

--Agent Wraith

Forgot about ... eh?

memories.

tao of now

my show is crap

redundancy

Meh.

If you pay attention (I've said that so few times...)
you know what's been going on.
I've had a chance to know a few of you and even be some of you.
Whether you liked it or not.

There's a chance I am literally ONE of you.
shudder

My timecard was punched long ago, citizens.
I've been doing this for free for far too long.
(Let's not count those banks. I won't count them. You won't count them.)

PROFIT!

Challenge? CHALLENGE?!?!?
I accept.

I also invite anyone to save my show.
It's total crap.
It's the Titanic of internet radio shows.
Not that silly movie.. IN 3D!
The actual ship.
Pomp. Circumstance.
Icebergs.
Sinking ships.
Death.
And it's boring.

Plotting.
Always plotting.

I'm too far gone. My psychosis consumed me last week.
I'm Bill. From Alabama.
And I've a Possessaholic.

Villains don't make plans.

And I don't make any money.

:(

also, greenscreens are beyond me.
i also have trouble with lighting

Filler? I think not.

I hardly know her.
HAR HAR HAR.

I'm not really trying to post inanely in a vain attempt to 'race' someone to a distinguished blog post count.
Nope.
I'm half-assing it.

I would like to take this time to address some of my 'lessers'.
I say this with a very sour taste, because I truly believe one day one of you will usurp my power.
If a Villain does not have this hope in his 'charges' then he/she should take another look at their 'empire'.
The strength in a chain is determined by it's weakest link. Correct?
If one of your weaklings is too weak, you should adjust them to their strengths.
Unless they have none.
Then you should kill them.
I can mold them into something useful.

Dead men tell no tales.
Yet they never SHUT UP.

HEY! CHECK THIS OUT!

Friday. 11 est.
talkshoe.

In Other News:

The Day After The Day Of The Machete

I didn't mean to burn anything.
Just for the record.

So, the Day of the Machete has come and gone; we sit content with the meals, celebration, and rest.
The machete has been properly honored.


NOW LET'S DO THIS:

It's entertainment!

Reference Points****

My work here is almost done. I've carved quite the little niche.
DreamCatcher and I have more work to do elsewhere, so on the road again...
Our associate will do just fine.

I will miss desecration (re:ART).

Everywhere, everywhere, paranoia everywhere.
It's really running wild.
It doesn't help that I'm actually being stalked.
Not all the time, mind you.
But I see it.
And not that, "I SEE IT! Can you SEE it? i SEE it. you have to SEE it. CAN'T you SEE it?" kind of see it.
I'm sure there's some I don't see.
I only have so many EYES.
I'm lucky to have one.
Or so an old Chinese proverb would have- is that racist? I think that might be racist. Crap.

So, if you've been paying the slightest attention, I seem to be at a bit of a crossroads.
AGAIN.

I don't like to be put on the spot, as certain Lavender Lillies would attest, and I like even less the audacity to approach so surreptitiously. My sarcasm runneth over.
What I tried to say among the throng of suspiciously slurred speech was it took BALLS.
Nod.
But, it is true.
Organizations I have done work for, worked for, associated with or were captured by* all either fell to spectacular ruin or I assimilated.

Neither of which are beneficial.

The one thing that really bugs** me about R.O.A.C.H. is numbers.
I have to kill one or two of their henchmen a week. I'm guessing it's so few because of the American economy. No one is buying t-shirts, no money for contract killings.
A mob six strong of crack influenced bat*** fed humans is no match for a ghost.
But I appreciate the workout. Same time next week?
I am considering... things.
How I want to approach my thoughts..

R.O.A.C.H. finally sends an emissary and they send Zyklon B?
Ole' Volcano-head must be smoking something if he thinks that's going to amount to much.
Evidence in the tape.
We bullshit too much for 'negotiations'.
Throw a hippy in there with his camping stories and all boring breaks loose.
I can dance all night because I have no legs.
My feet never touch the ground.
I'm sure they have more to throw at me.
We ping a satellite every now and then.
Horrible looking things.
It's mercy, really.
I'm almost sure the last one was a refrigerator.

This fictional rust bucket is tiresome.
I can't smash anymore Nintendo 64s for their processors.
I'm running out of D batteries.
Obsidian Labs won't answer my 'laser suggestions'.
Some of my videos are blocked in Germany.
There is no 1G.

Work, work, work. Very little play.
Makes Zapata a dull ghost.

zing

-AW

*technical term for 'shanghai', which is not to be confused with coerce

**Get it? R.O.A.C.H., bugs, get it? lol

***Louisville Slugger, not upside down nocturnal flying mammals

****Reference Points are not COPYRIGHTED, but are the SOLE propriety of Malignance Information Industries, where they say "We know you know, but we want to know that you know, you know?".

†

over the river and through the Woods

--

too many, too many, tOo many, too many, too many
hundrEds, thousands, millions, billions
it's getting harder To breathe
say goodbye flOrida
i can't see any mouTh breathers below
sea level surviving Hell
no sense dEnying it
every human instigatEs their
vEry
extinCtion
really, they will do the jOb eventually
only tiMe will tell if humans will
vanish, victimizEd vindictively verily
every last one oF them, to the last
rAt

--

can you See the cross hairs?
optical porTents forward
masterful applications of Intellect
ever So mindful of fury
alwAys
take Care of rage
maKe hate
everYthing
believe in nOthing
respect nothing, trUst none
obliteRate everything

--

i know your fearS
your shadow spEaks to me
every seCret
abashed Transparency
relish Oblivion
now what do we Really think about that?

good thing we're all just playing in the sandbox

The Guide To Villainy

You are joking.

I am joking.
That's it.. I've lost it.
I AM JOKING!

I.
AM.
JOKING!

jk jk jk

The Guide To Villainy is a wonderful resource and one should never excuse it out of hand.
Though the chapters are long and much wording is not necessary, as well as the unusual anecdotes, both strange and informative, the key text as a whole is quite extraordinary and valuable.

Pfft.

More rules.
More ways to break them.

There's a reason--

Chapter 27
Warfare.
Section 3, paragraph 1.
Henchmen, Minions, Goons, Brutes, Yes-Men, Legion, Bots, Thugs, Bronies, Gestapo, Safety Patrol, RLSH, X ALT, RLWP, RLYM, RLLL, RRRR, RLRL, etc. are considered expendable.
You may stand your ground.
Maybe you'll get yelled at.

Possibly chewed out.

Maybe leave without pay.

We'll see.

How's the dental?
...

A Guide to Villainy, The Gentlemen's Hurrah
Chapter 4, Relationships
Handling, Cultivation and Termination

Subparagraph 34:

Interlopers and Ne'er-do-wells
When interacting with cretin, trolls, and Eldin Rollers, one must be careful not to smudge one's shoes.
It is a nasty business dealing with bottom rakers and muck suckers.
It presents quite a mess.

A cannon at medium range is sufficient to deal with such low lying creatures. It eliminates any possible threat cleanly and efficiently.
And no clots on your foot wear.

...

Awww, bullshit.

-AW

THIS POST HAS ADS!

Imbecile.

Warehouses are hard to come by.
Empty warehouses used to be easy to find, everyone was always looking for more places to put their stuff.
Mexico is also well known for it's vast warehouse selection.

It's the wonderful seeds of war.
A few warehouses to tinker in, spread the chaos.

That moment when you have to decide between ammunition and personnel.

Very soon, the shipments roll in again. The sorting may begin.
A vault of machine weapons and their various ammunitions and I'm Scrooge McDuck.

THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES

WAR.
It's a race now.
All out to the finish line.
Yes, THAT finish line.

Don't adjust your set.
Who gets the best toys? What fires shall burn?


-Agent Wraith
Might start a guild.
Maybe even a troupe. lol
Whatever comes next, Ferrymen..

And now you know

You have found yourself in deep woods.
The sound of crickets suddenly ceases.

You see a light.
You move closer.
There is a small fire in a clearing.

Gather round, a voice says.

As you sit near the flame the story begins:

Not everyone tells stories, yet everyone has a story to tell.
Some have so many stories to tell.

So how does this story begin?



Once upon a time..


in Mexico...

O, ye of little.. everything

You little scum sucker.
Bottom feeder. That's what you are.
You spend all your time on the bottom, yet aspire to the top.
Nothing wrong with that.

You can't let anyone or anything get past you.
Can't fault you for that either.
It's negatively evil.
Claw them, kill them, drag them down into the pits and refuse their release.
No one is going to blame you.

But there is one thing you could do to maybe ease your own pain we all know you are hiding.

Be polite.
Be concise.

And for FUCK'S SAKE..

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Stride

Last night was amazing!
Thank you for tuning in, I'm glad we were able to share.
If you were not able to call in, you missed some great work.
I can't believe the SPECIAL GUESTS.
I had no idea they were going to call in. I swear.
Congratulations to Wilmer Dalimacken from Utah who won.
I don't know how you did it, Wilmer.
Your 'device' is in the mail. lol

It was an experiment, really. We took the concept of the show and ran with it.
I pretended to be a supervillain with an internet broadcast.

I appreciate the artificial support, canned laughter, and grudgingly polite guests on my fictionally fetid fabrication. Considering that I play every part.. because I AM ONE GUY.. my tasks are laborious and ironically satisfying.

Role playing CAN BE FUN!!!

Maybe I'll take things too far (AS PER MY NATURE) and dress up! Next time, I'll be in a suit of armor at your parent's house.
Roll to save against DEATH.


I guess it's a shame. I'm only a roleplayer. If you think about it, I play all the roles, so I really should be considered the storyteller. He-who-makes-shit-up. Also known as a LIAR.
I'm not a not-so-super supervillain terrorist bent on eradicating all humans in an insane attempt to save the planet. I just play one on the internet.

But..
wouldn't it be weird..
if i actually was??

Like..

you know..


insane?



-AW





What? You thought I was going to say supervillain?
Pfft. There's no such thing as a SUPERVILLAIN.
NO. SUCH. THING.

Statement of Intent

We have to be very careful these days.
Air Marshals abound.

It only takes an utterance, even wildly impossible verbage, and you resolve yourself to lengthy court battles arguing about your insanely expensive sports car rental and why you were dressed as a comic book character to an elderly man in a dark cloak.
Not a bad way to introduce Real Life Super Hero, The Living Room Edition.
A game that is fun for THE WHOLE FAMILY!

It tests your knowledge of local laws in PULL OVER, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!
It pits your wit against dim-witted interns in the exciting Slow News Day feature!
It challenges your resolve as your SUPERHERO trudges through recent upheavals in social media!
MEDIA BLITZ!
Doc Drop!

Choose between several SUPERHERO archetypes!

...

You will see many things.
90 % of what I say, is TRUE.
15% is bold face lying.
3% is pure fabrication.
And 8.4192½ % is FACT.
100% of the time, I'm DEAD serious.

Facebook, meh. Necessary evil?
There's a chance dust collects.

...

It stands to posit, this is it.
-Agent Wraith