It's a very simple equation people.
Star Wars..
..will never be outdone.
(Sure, sure.
Star Trek. Right.
I understand the classic element. But, we're not talking about Star Trek.
That's another discussion entirely that was covered in Baron Terror's Star Trek v. Star Wars: Alphabetical Superiority.
Don't hold your breath.)
George Lucas.
The guy's empire is immense.
Merchandising infinitum (see Planet of the Apes), product placement (didn't catch Pepsi in the movies? No, GL made them his bitch. Put his shit on their shit. Gangsta.), and unlimited nerdcore militia ranks (See Five Hundred and Worst Legion). Legions and "legions" of fans.
-No time for gangsta pimp/sith/whiner George Lucas photoshop; or do it myself; it's out there, I'm just trying to get through this.-
So many people now contribute. Millions. Has to be.
Further adventures of Skywalker and his genetics.
Of course, he acknowledges none of it as part of 'his vision'.
They bow before their false Darth.. er, Lord.. wait..
Star Wars is epic.
Not really the same without John Williams.
Just sayin.
What sucks so bad about it?
Ah, I'm so jealous.
He's got this great idea and it spawns all these other people to give their ideas and they get a big ole bowl of ideas brewin' and then he gets the biggest share.
It's perfect.
Respected for your 'vision'.
Paid for it.
And Star Wars is permeating everything!
Walkie Talkies?
Toothbrushes?
Hmm. If the 501st is subject to the dark side..
Crap.
Watch out for jedi-angels.
"George Lucas gon' sue somebody!"
(Character Name No Prize Bonus!)
-Survivor Note: Phillip states he is a 'villain'! CBS Cares!
Solve the riddle for Round 2: FB = -C
No one wants to play.
It's a game only villainy can win.
:(
And I made it all simple like.
Send your answers to:
agentwraith@gmail.com
Head Shot!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Ghost in the Machine
Not that long ago, (like a few weeks) I discovered I could possess more than just flesh.
The thought came to me one night when I was managing (or at least trying to) several shipments coming in to Los Sauces.
There was a generator that fell-out of rotation and we were losing lights left and right.
anyways.
So, I reach out and into the laptop, just like I would a human; trying to pierce it's brain, to influence the electrons to do my bidding. This incident went off without a hitch. I brought the generator back on the grid and everything went smoothly.
I'm going to tell you about the time it didn't happen so effortlessly.
The time it went quite awry.
I was going over some quarterly reports; financing and all that jazz.
I was typing away on the laptop, trying to finalize a summary, when a message alert popped on the toolbar.
Curious and dying (HA!) for a break, I zipped the mouse on over to see what it was about.
AH... Computer King
He had messaged me on the Facebook, letting me know he had constructed another show and I should check it out.
Well, I had just discovered this power, wanted to listen to his show, and just to be a bit annoying; I jumped into the 'stream' and 'rode' on over to SAVETHEVILLAIN.COM
That's when the stinky stuff hit the ceiling fan.
There was at first a heartbeating. It thumped rhythmically, soon accompanied by a patterned snare.
And I mean that literally.
I had been snared.
There was no point resisting, the song had already begun.
I was at once entranced.
Paralyzed.
In the background I could hear him laughing...
Computer King.. He can do anything.
As a side note to this fiasco, I spent the next few days hopping from body to body, carrying out various tasks that I have no idea what their ultimate purpose was. I guess that's what happens when a SUPERVILLAIN like Computer King gets hold of you.
What tasks?
I can't divulge them. I simply can't remember them.
It's like this time back in 2006 when I was mild-manneredly crossing the street and out of nowhere this giant mechanoid hover contraption smacks right into me! It didn't even slow down; I guess there was somewhere really important the driver had to get to. It's hard to remember what I was doing, where I was going, or what happened next.. with only half a torso.
Oh well.
Keep droppin' those rhymes, CK.
Just stay out of my bank account.
The thought came to me one night when I was managing (or at least trying to) several shipments coming in to Los Sauces.
There was a generator that fell-out of rotation and we were losing lights left and right.
anyways.
So, I reach out and into the laptop, just like I would a human; trying to pierce it's brain, to influence the electrons to do my bidding. This incident went off without a hitch. I brought the generator back on the grid and everything went smoothly.
I'm going to tell you about the time it didn't happen so effortlessly.
The time it went quite awry.
I was going over some quarterly reports; financing and all that jazz.
I was typing away on the laptop, trying to finalize a summary, when a message alert popped on the toolbar.
Curious and dying (HA!) for a break, I zipped the mouse on over to see what it was about.
AH... Computer King
He had messaged me on the Facebook, letting me know he had constructed another show and I should check it out.
Well, I had just discovered this power, wanted to listen to his show, and just to be a bit annoying; I jumped into the 'stream' and 'rode' on over to SAVETHEVILLAIN.COM
That's when the stinky stuff hit the ceiling fan.
There was at first a heartbeating. It thumped rhythmically, soon accompanied by a patterned snare.
And I mean that literally.
I had been snared.
There was no point resisting, the song had already begun.
I was at once entranced.
Paralyzed.
In the background I could hear him laughing...
Computer King.. He can do anything.
As a side note to this fiasco, I spent the next few days hopping from body to body, carrying out various tasks that I have no idea what their ultimate purpose was. I guess that's what happens when a SUPERVILLAIN like Computer King gets hold of you.
What tasks?
I can't divulge them. I simply can't remember them.
It's like this time back in 2006 when I was mild-manneredly crossing the street and out of nowhere this giant mechanoid hover contraption smacks right into me! It didn't even slow down; I guess there was somewhere really important the driver had to get to. It's hard to remember what I was doing, where I was going, or what happened next.. with only half a torso.
Oh well.
Keep droppin' those rhymes, CK.
Just stay out of my bank account.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Zombie Apocalypse
If you have heard me say this once, it was the millionth time:
THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS REAL!
Oh sure, maybe not the OMG-Our-next-door-neighbor-Ned-just-bit-me or The-entire-city-is-crawling-with-the-undead.. yet. But there are other Zombie Apocalypse scenarios out there...
Let's go over some data.
Sort of.
First, let's see what the internets have to say... ok. That's scary.
But let's look at something a little less OMG-I'm-never-going-outside-again!
Okay, that didn't work either.
You know what?
Let's forget all that nonsense and talk about you humans.
That's where all the REAL DANGER comes from.
That's right.
Religion.
If there was ever a more clear and present threat, it's religion.
If there was going to be an uprising of any sort (alive, dead, or undead), it's going to be some half-moronic/half-gibbering-baboon that spits something the other half-moronic/half-gibbering-baboons don't like and then it's on 'like Donkey Kong'. And when I say that, I mean Donkey Kong and your mom.
That's right.
A great big ape that likes to throw all sorts of barrels in your mom's butt.
And let's face it.
Humans and religion really don't mix well.
Especially human religions that don't mix well.
Like Christianity and Islam.
Or Christianity and Catholicism.
Huh? No, they are NOT the same thing.
Mormons.
They got it right.
Right?
Look.
You say the earth was created by some mystical all-powerful, all-knowing, all-encompassing being. I say it was the Spaghetti Monster.
You can't prove me wrong and I can't prove me right.
Which is the same for any of your GODZ.
Wait, how did this become some half-assed tirade on religion and it's gaggle of brain-dead idiots?
Oh.. Heh. I just read my previous line.
Got it.
Hey all you Reverend Father Pastor Master Legends Of The Universe out there?
Yeah, you.
You got yourself a little online .jpg that says you're hot shit with G-D.. Nice.
You want to know what you don't have?
Dignity.
And Crossfire? A book, regardless of what inspiration it was formed from, that was written by man is NOT EVIDENCE that G-D exists.
It's evidence, all right.
Evidence that a lot of people went through great effort to convince future generations to listen to what MAN tells them to do. There's this thing called 'Position of Trust'. Abusing it is tantamount to evil.
And not the You-will-CROUCH-before-me-now-evil (that's the good, er, evil kind). No. I'm talking about the Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do-evil.
That bass ackwards reasoning for telling your kids it's wrong to hold hands with the same gendered friends. And everything else that Master Legend and Toth-Toth get away with.
YOU.. Crossfire, fail to understand that I am NOT condemning, bullying, or forcing you to listen or convert to my way of thinking.
'Heaven' help you if you did.
Your eyes would be open, your heart as well, to a grand truth.
It doesn't matter what YOU have faith in.
It's what has FAITH in you.
Now meet my good friend Jesus Christo.
If there's a Zombie Apocalypse.. and Christianity is my 'only hope'?
I'm rollin' deep with this mofo.
Note: Don't get all cranky-pants. I am a creature of passion. I speak from a place that too few fear to tread.
Intelligence.
Now, leave all your snarky little comments below.
THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IS REAL!
Oh sure, maybe not the OMG-Our-next-door-neighbor-Ned-just-bit-me or The-entire-city-is-crawling-with-the-undead.. yet. But there are other Zombie Apocalypse scenarios out there...
Let's go over some data.
Sort of.
First, let's see what the internets have to say... ok. That's scary.
But let's look at something a little less OMG-I'm-never-going-outside-again!
Okay, that didn't work either.
You know what?
Let's forget all that nonsense and talk about you humans.
That's where all the REAL DANGER comes from.
That's right.
Religion.
If there was ever a more clear and present threat, it's religion.
If there was going to be an uprising of any sort (alive, dead, or undead), it's going to be some half-moronic/half-gibbering-baboon that spits something the other half-moronic/half-gibbering-baboons don't like and then it's on 'like Donkey Kong'. And when I say that, I mean Donkey Kong and your mom.
That's right.
A great big ape that likes to throw all sorts of barrels in your mom's butt.
And let's face it.
Humans and religion really don't mix well.
Especially human religions that don't mix well.
Like Christianity and Islam.
Or Christianity and Catholicism.
Huh? No, they are NOT the same thing.
Mormons.
They got it right.
Right?
Look.
You say the earth was created by some mystical all-powerful, all-knowing, all-encompassing being. I say it was the Spaghetti Monster.
You can't prove me wrong and I can't prove me right.
Which is the same for any of your GODZ.
Wait, how did this become some half-assed tirade on religion and it's gaggle of brain-dead idiots?
Oh.. Heh. I just read my previous line.
Got it.
Hey all you Reverend Father Pastor Master Legends Of The Universe out there?
Yeah, you.
You got yourself a little online .jpg that says you're hot shit with G-D.. Nice.
You want to know what you don't have?
Dignity.
And Crossfire? A book, regardless of what inspiration it was formed from, that was written by man is NOT EVIDENCE that G-D exists.
It's evidence, all right.
Evidence that a lot of people went through great effort to convince future generations to listen to what MAN tells them to do. There's this thing called 'Position of Trust'. Abusing it is tantamount to evil.
And not the You-will-CROUCH-before-me-now-evil (that's the good, er, evil kind). No. I'm talking about the Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do-evil.
That bass ackwards reasoning for telling your kids it's wrong to hold hands with the same gendered friends. And everything else that Master Legend and Toth-Toth get away with.
YOU.. Crossfire, fail to understand that I am NOT condemning, bullying, or forcing you to listen or convert to my way of thinking.
'Heaven' help you if you did.
Your eyes would be open, your heart as well, to a grand truth.
It doesn't matter what YOU have faith in.
It's what has FAITH in you.
Now meet my good friend Jesus Christo.
If there's a Zombie Apocalypse.. and Christianity is my 'only hope'?
I'm rollin' deep with this mofo.
Note: Don't get all cranky-pants. I am a creature of passion. I speak from a place that too few fear to tread.
Intelligence.
Now, leave all your snarky little comments below.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Revelation of the Dead
Hello,
I am Agent Wraith.
With the majority of the human populace still running around in religion-land, I feel the need to reiterate some of my views. (There have been meetings. Scores of meetings. We managed a successful teleconference with two United States! Simultaneously! A huge effort! Considering that the last successful broadcast went horribly awry, I'd say so. I can't blame Franklin. It was all me. I was stinkin' up the joint.)
I embrace that villainy. I am FREE to SPEAK my THOUGHTS.
THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
Ignore me, because I can be:
Annoying.
Confusing.
Or not.
Anywho, let me get down to business. I'll make it short and sweet.
EASTER!
HIDDEN SECRETS FROM THE FREE MASONS!
Gross. Zombie Jesus.
I am Agent Wraith.
With the majority of the human populace still running around in religion-land, I feel the need to reiterate some of my views. (There have been meetings. Scores of meetings. We managed a successful teleconference with two United States! Simultaneously! A huge effort! Considering that the last successful broadcast went horribly awry, I'd say so. I can't blame Franklin. It was all me. I was stinkin' up the joint.)
I embrace that villainy. I am FREE to SPEAK my THOUGHTS.
THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!
Ignore me, because I can be:
Annoying.
Confusing.
Or not.
Anywho, let me get down to business. I'll make it short and sweet.
EASTER!
HIDDEN SECRETS FROM THE FREE MASONS!
Beware.
The Apocalypse draws nigh.
(Image courtesy of The Zombie Reporting Center)
Gross. Zombie Jesus.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
All Too Human
Lately, I've found myself on a precipice.
I have teetered the lofty edge of fate, staring at the cliffs of destiny below.
Ugh. Metaphors.
I can't use them properly.
I just sound like an aging hipster.
Because I am?
I have struggled with the emotions of my hosts before, reveling in their passion and hate, enjoying their anguish.
That's a cold evil thing to do really.
I need to empathize.. how else am I going to adequately convince you that the planet needs salvation?
That humans are the root-cause?
I dunno.
I can't keep griping.
It's gotten old.
Fast.
It seems like I feel the ghost slipping. Like the host is asserting its dominance.
And I don't like that.
It's time to return to basics.
Again.
I've become very busy lately.
It will be nice to get some things done.
So many projects just sitting there.
I'm going to stick with what I'm good at.
Being annoying and confusing.
It's not much of a schtick and so many others are so much better at it than me..
But, I have to work with what I have to work with.
I will remain to support villainy, from the shadows, as best I can. If you choose to disassociate with me for any reason, so be it.
I no longer hold humans or their derivatives to any standard, so do what you will.
I've got superlasers to avoid.
HA!
I have teetered the lofty edge of fate, staring at the cliffs of destiny below.
Ugh. Metaphors.
I can't use them properly.
I just sound like an aging hipster.
Because I am?
I have struggled with the emotions of my hosts before, reveling in their passion and hate, enjoying their anguish.
That's a cold evil thing to do really.
I need to empathize.. how else am I going to adequately convince you that the planet needs salvation?
That humans are the root-cause?
I dunno.
I can't keep griping.
It's gotten old.
Fast.
It seems like I feel the ghost slipping. Like the host is asserting its dominance.
And I don't like that.
It's time to return to basics.
Again.
I've become very busy lately.
It will be nice to get some things done.
So many projects just sitting there.
I'm going to stick with what I'm good at.
Being annoying and confusing.
It's not much of a schtick and so many others are so much better at it than me..
But, I have to work with what I have to work with.
I will remain to support villainy, from the shadows, as best I can. If you choose to disassociate with me for any reason, so be it.
I no longer hold humans or their derivatives to any standard, so do what you will.
I've got superlasers to avoid.
HA!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Defense
When the United States government comes knocking, it's best to not answer the door.
Take care of yourselves.
Agent Wraith
Take care of yourselves.
Agent Wraith
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)