7

Today is a day of celebration at the compound.

There are many things going on that I cannot divulge, but, what I can say is that there is several parties in the upper levels to make the phrase 'raising the roof' a necessity.
We're literally running out of room.

Apparently today is Henchman Appreciation day at Los Sauces.  I completely neglected to get my lessers a proper appreciation gift.

I know what some people are thinking.. Henchmen?  Appreciation?

But, you know what?  You can't run a successful organization without loyal and comfortable (complacent) henchmen.  Or employees if you prefer to monetarily compensate them.

Talk around the water cooler is that there is something going on.

To tell the truth, something definitely is going on.

My henchmen are valuable to me.  Every single one of them.
Bumbling as they are, they are my henchmen.
Not yours, mine.
Of course I have a tendency to be biased.
They are my henchmen.
I treat them well, they reciprocate.
Just because I despise, loathe, contemplate the eradication of, actually succeed in thinning portions of humanity, doesn't mean I can't sympathize or empathize with some of them.

So, yeah.
My henchmen.
Salutations!  Good work!  Keep it up!
Follow me.. in the end of it all.. we know we are fighting the good fight.
That's right.
I said it.
The good fight.

Does no one remember me telling you that evil is in the eye of the beholder?
*laughs*
Seriously?
I am saving this planet.  I seek its repair.
I'm not going to grow my hair out and team up with Treesong..
But this planet is my home.
For now.
Humans are its enemy.
So call me 'villain'.
Call me 'evil'.

You humans better wise up.

Snatch back your brain zombie.  Snatch it back and hold it.


Oh, I'm trying to square up with the locals and their reluctance to digitally record any ceremonies.  If I can hold to my position, pray that I appease the right gods, and hope that improbability is on my side.. I'll show you something you will never forget.
The world is vast.. and though this seems chaotic.. try to hold what I have been saying.

If you read this, see this as me talking to you like it's real.
To me, it is.
I come to you like you don't expect; like a friend.
Like yourself.
I talk to you like this not just because I can, but because I want to.

Either get with the program, or get deleted.

8

Things I find on the internet scare me.

Good to see White Skull still working.
lol

Countdown? What countdown? Oh yeah. 9.

Okay, so like anyone cares what I've been up to lately.. I'm going to tell you anyways.

So, at first, this 'land-war' with the US Border Patrol was really grating on my nerves.  I gave the orders to seal up the compound and had to turn away several attempts by loyal henchmen to regain access.
They will be missed.
You would think that being, ya know, incorporeal, would have it's advantages.  But, I guess the one disadvantage is that you can't be properly searched in any capacity.
It also helps to have Diplomatic Immunity.
As a representative of a SOVEREIGN nation there is little to be done against it.

Except repel my minions at the border.

Did I just reveal too much information?
Nah.
No one is listening anyways.

So, yeah, I'm having trouble getting this 'World Tour' up and running.  There is a question of whether 2011's budget is going to bottom out or not.  There's this overhead cost of 32k I can't seem to shake.  A large bus, fuel, a driver (actually 4 drivers to push through the nights), food, and several cases of NATO rounds to start.. The fortunate (unfortunate) among you may have to wait until 2012.
Hmm.  Rather ominous now that I think about it.

I can't wait really.  I know I haven't said much to the internetweblogerverse(?), but it's true.  I'm seriously excited.  It's been a decade since my last 'road trip' and I'm due for another.  I didn't want to reveal too much about it, but, since we have some time, I guess I can let one cat out of the bag.
I do want to visit San Diego, CA.  And Denver, CO.  And Seattle, WA.. just to name a few.  I name these cities (believe me, there are more), because of the folks who reside there.
Yes, this means you.
And yes, this also means the rest of you.
There is nothing wrong with me.  I'm not a stalker.  I mean, I can be, if need be.  Or want dictates.. or necessity (wait, said that).  I wanted to reach out to my fellows.. and others.. to make an impact.
And impact.
I digress.
You see.. actually, you don't see.  There is so much that goes on that you don't know about.
Phone conversations, web chats, meetings, delegations.. blah, blah, blah.  I'm sure you all have your hands (or plungers) full everyday.  Busy.
But there is no reason I should feel so lonely.  22 challenges me everyday to some strange new Aztec or Babylonian wrestling match.. But, aside from my own organization, I seek the company of.. you guessed it:
Like Minded Individuals.

So, yeah, I yearn for community.  Do I have to squeeze my way into blogsquawk radio and do a show??
Is that why you called me 'tiny', you eyelid-lacking bastard?  It's because no one cares, isn't it?  They just don't care!  They are wrapped up in their own lives and couldn't give two shits about me or anything! AAHH! I just want to crawl under a rock and die!
lol

Note: I hope any who read this can see what I have been trying to accomplish.  I want to reach out to you like someone I know.  I want to speak comfortably with you, no matter how harsh my words may be in your ears and mind.  This is who I am.  You will either respect me for it..
Or not.
But, I'm 'talking' to you like I would anyone else.  Actually, I'm talking to you like I would my friends.  If I really didn't like you (are you HUMAN? because I hate humans), I would coat on the sugar.
'Oh yes'm, I most certainly would like to take your order.'
'Thank you so much for shopping with us today, please come again!'
'May I see your license and registration.. please?'

Oh, and habitual mockery is an indicator of possible depression.
Go figure.

Changing subjects for a moment..to end this bugger.

WHAT THE F--??!?

I disconnect the hard lines for all of a few days and when I return, there are 'villains' dipping out left and right? Seriously?!? WTF? Okay, I know we have busy, busy lives.  But, I see a post that says 'Greatest Thing I Have Ever Been Involved With' then 'POOF!'
I'm confused.
Let me just nip this.  I find it odd that some among us have been thinking these things.
Why?  Because I found myself contemplating something similar.
Now, I was just proposing a trip to the future.. which could be perceived as 'below radar' or even 'quitting', but hey, we all play that game with.. well, alot of things.  You don't like a game, don't bother smashing your Sega Genesis to pieces, just stop playing.
Even if Goro keeps cheating.

10

First stop on the World Tour?
California.

Try and stop me.

Us.

Countdown begins.

The beginning is the end is the beginning.
To look upon it's face was madness.
--

As the day draws to a close, I find myself watching the sunset, basking in its brilliance.  It is a wondrous thing; millions have tried to capture it's essence in prose and metaphor and I sit before it.  Such a grandiose gesture, such a cosmic nod; the galaxy is watching.

But it makes one feel insignificant.  Something so big, casting it's eyes upon me.  I find myself going to dark places suddenly, shuffling important incriminating papers and files to the incinerator in my brain.  It makes me relive some long forgotten shame.

So I curse it.  Futile and unfulfilled, I shake my gloved fist at it.

The days and nights merge, today is tomorrow's yesterday, it all blends.  I'm struggling to get things done, my mind is a mess.  What did I do wrong?  Did I go too far ahead?  What is happening to me?

--

Do you know how to build a Flux-Capacitor? 1,111 Easy Steps on Engineering Chronospacial Anomalies.

--

Ever have one of those Snoop-on-something days?  When you can't just -not- look into someone's journal left wide open on the cafeteria table.  That he's sitting in front of.
Because you possessed him?

I found myself disoriented last week, stumbling around the galley, tray of food in hands.  My pineapple chunks were in my mash potatoes and as I sat I wondered if that was where I went wrong.  Letting them mix.  I was angry, frustrated, so I broke apart my salisbury steaks with the fork and stirred the whole thing up!
The resultant glop was actually tasty.

--

I found a parchment pinned to the door on level 7.  It sounds like a tough stew.

1-11-11
6 pm Dinner
One can of Lima Beans, Green Beans, Black Eye Peas, Cream of Mushroom Soup.

Times, they are a tough.
Henchmen can't get a decent meal, let alone every day!
(Salisbury steak?  Lima Beans?)
Now if only I knew where to get some sandwiches.  And they have to be free sandwiches too.. yeah..
Divert all meal funding to.. uh.. my pocket!
Ha ha ha.

--

And then, the night surrounded me.
All at once.
I was in the dark.

A few young men were going to set the watch fire, there are things to do.
So much to do.

I think I will head inside for a bit.
The temperature drops so fast.

It's killing my battery.
Stupid electronics.

Progress

When first faced with the task of setting plans in motion, one should always take caution to time it well.

Greetings, folks.
It's time for a little change-up and BY THE GODS it's happening right now.
The end draws nigh.

Things around the WORLD are beginning to change.  Those too ignorant or blind to see it will be swept up in the madness.

I'm going to skip all this, however, and step around it.
Yep, I'm going to travel time.  Specifically, I'm going into the future.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I'm going headfirst into the Lion's Den.
It's going to be utter chaos.
I'll be able to slip back to obscurity...

Oh, what's that?
Why would I do that?

Well, that reminds me of a joke.
Stop me, if you heard this one.

A woman is boarding a Trans-Atlantic flight, carrying a covered bird cage and a heavy suitcase.  She manages to push and bump her way down the aisle, tries to put her suitcase into her seat, and fails miserably.

A man behind her offers some help.

"Here, let me help."

He takes over, picking the suitcase up and wedging it in the overhead compartment.
She smiles warmly, plops down, and adjusts the cover on the birdcage that occupies its own seat.

The man sits down opposite her, catching the attendant walking down the aisle.

"Can I get a drink?"

The flight is underway after that, they take off and get comfortable.

The captain gives a pre-flight performance schtick, directing attendants to do their part of the show, allowing them to conduct a passenger volunteer inflate a seat/flotation device, then giving the much appreciated 'Seat-belts Off, Get Your Smoke On' alerts.

The little light above each seat turned on, followed by a harmonic chime and collective sigh.

The man reaches into his pocket and removes a case.  He takes out a cigar and presses a button in the seat's arm.  The woman removes the cover on her birdcage to reveal a beautiful bird.
Of no particular species anyone can discern.

At first, when the man exhales his delicious carcinogens, there is only his sigh of content.

Then, the bird starts to have a fit.  It flaps its wings, slamming itself against the cage.  Clearly, the woman is upset.

"Sir!  Sir! Please!  Put that thing out!  You are killing my bird!"

The man exhales, little smoky circle beats against the seat in front of him.

"Naw, ma'am.  I ain't giving up my smoke.  That little light came on.  I'm entitled to my cigar."

The woman becomes irate.  She pulls on the attendant's arm, begging her to stop the smoking man.

"He's killing my bird!!"

Finally, something is done.

"Sir, can we compromise?  The woman is upset, the captain is getting worried."

The man takes a long look at his cigar, then at the woman.  He grins.

"I tell you what.  I'll throw my cigar out if you throw that damn bird out."

Suspend your disbelief, folks, because that's just what they did.  Out went the bird.  Out went the cigar.

Upon arrival to the airport, the plane taxis, letting it's passengers spill out to their daily lives.  They file off, rushing for their baggage.

The man walks up to the turnstile and waits.  He sees the woman pulling her suitcase and dragging the empty bird cage.

As his suitcase comes around, he notices something sitting on it.
The bird.

And do you know what was in it's beak?

A blue rock.

What does the FUTURE hold? -Commentary

STOP SCROLLING DAMNIT!  I like how it starts out with each entry getting like a sentence or three, then it turns into a symposium.. each entry it's own little rant.  Mini-rants.
Heh.
And sometimes the letters get all jibberjabber, like words allsmashedtogether and making the flow all chaotic.  You just can't get on with it.
This is important business!  Semantic threats aside (Schadenfreudapaloozactoberfestivation!  -A popular Übermas expression), I can attend more pressing matters.  One of utter importance.

Time Travel.

I came to this understanding today in sort of a profound revelation kind of way.  Like pickles.  The only thing you can really do with a cucumber.

It was after discovering an argument.  If you can really call it that.  It was actually a tad trite.  Back and forth, until it was clear to be a Battle of Wits.  Also, it was conluded that one of the participants was strikingly unarmed.  Maybe a little of both.  Or maybe tact.  It was obviously not the first or last time something similar happened.

Then, it hit me.
"Knowing is half the battle."
I downed two gallons of bleach to get rid of the most awesome-est song in the whole world, which was blasting through my noggin, which just happens to be the opening theme to GI Joe the Movie.. which just happens to be my favotire movie.  In the hole world.  In the history of forever.  And ever.

I came into the game late.

But I have fixed that.

The boys concocted something back in the 40s I've been dying (dead?) to get my hands on.  With decades to perform a myriad of batteries of tests, we have finally come to a breakthrough.  It's possible.

I discuss it in length in my new book, How Do You Feel? It's part of The RLTT/GP (Real Life Time Traveler/Ghost Person) General Health Series, sponsored by SPECTRE.  Ooh, shouldn't have given that last one away.  Or the next.

Now, once I have the device/machine/talisman, should I so desire, I can step as far forward or backward as I like.  This also brings me to a realization.
This is not my first go-round.
I feel a déjà vu through my waking hours.  It's not odd, but I have been here before.  Done this, before.
I'm constantly trying to wrap my mind around it, but it borders on quantum theories and pragmatic existentialism that would make even the staunchest Einsteinian blanch.  It's too late to turn back now, though.  So, press forward I will.

And press forward, I will.

My only reluctance (one I will reject, because I already know the outcome), is that I may go too far.  The future is always changing (a little green guy told me once) and you never know what you're going to face upon stepping from the machine.  Sure, Beryllium may be from the future.. but does that future still exist?  What if we have changed it, simply by her being here now?  Hell, couldn't any who oppose her simply set in motion her premature demise?  Wait, strike that.  I don't want anyone getting any ideas.
What if I go so far, so far into the future, that the Earth simply isn't there anymore?  How hard would it be to get back from that?  Does it work in reverse?

No matter.  Round and round and round we go.

No one every accomplished anything by just sitting around, typing on a blog for most of the night, discarding it, retyping exactly what was written all over again, and then going to bed.  Nope.  Some of us throw caution to the wind, pull up our fettered trousers, and get on with it.

We need movers and shakers.

So be moved.

Be shaken.